


Why Must Everything Be So Difficult?

by RedSky18



Category: Umineko no Naku Koro ni | When the Seagulls Cry
Genre: F/F, but obviously i take liberty with certain details, i try to keep things from canon in mind while writing this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2018-08-15 11:40:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 28,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8054893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedSky18/pseuds/RedSky18
Summary: Fear can often hold someone back. It prevents them from doing what they need or want to, and thus can prevent them from being happy. As a result, one may attempt to use unexpected means to try and defeat it. But, how does one fight fear with fear, when both are similar problems, just different people? It seems like a mistake, but maybe it'll somehow work out.





	1. Chapter 1

Natsuhi swore she felt her heart rate increase with every step she took. Except, that wasn't entirely the right way to word it; rather, she _knew_ it was increasing. After all, she was about to do something ridiculous. It was insane.

As the clacking of her heels rang more loudly in her ears with each passing second, she pondered just turning around and going about a normal day. Or, at least, as normal as a day could be in that mansion. She had only recently married into the Ushiromiya family, and, given all circumstances, the chances of her life ever being "normal" again were next to none.

Which was why even just the thought of what she was about to do was crazy. No matter what the outcome would be, nothing would ever be even remotely "normal" again. She'd spent nights staring at her ceiling, listening as the clock ticked at a torturously slow pace.

To the very moment she was walking to her destination, she still wasn't even sure why she was considering such a thing. What had even caused the idea to cross her mind? The more she thought about it, the more she didn't really want to know. 

With each echoing step, she was approaching closer to her goal; a goal she wasn't sure she wanted to make. Her feet slowed to a stop and she took a deep breath, closing her eyes,

' _...This is ridiculous...There's no way she'll agree to it. I'm not sure I even want her to. Odds are she'll laugh in my face and then she'll hold it over me for the rest of my life._ ' Her eyes opened only to close again as her thoughts continued to give her doubt.

After all, it was _Eva_ she was going to request it from. The person who already more than enjoyed making her life a living hell. There was no way it would go well. Even if she did say yes, there was sure to be a joke attached to it. She was just the kind of person to have an ulterior motive for such a thing.

Natsuhi wasn't exactly innocent either though. She was doing it for Krauss too. But...she was going to explain all that to Eva, so that made it more the main motive. So, what was the ulterior motive then? She held her head,

"Ridiculous... There is no such thing. I'm just doing this for...Krauss-san...That's all..." She felt slight guilt at still calling him by his name rather then "husband" or "dear" or something else fit for a wife to say, but she just couldn't. It didn't feel right. 

' _...Which is why...I have to try this..._ '

Despite all rational thought screaming at her to not go through with the suicide she was about to commit, Natsuhi took a deep breath, straightened her posture, and resumed her trip to where the person in question was sure to be.

Hopefully no one else would be there. Otherwise, she'd have to try again later, and she was already struggling to keep her resolve. Before she knew it, she was standing in front of the door to the parlor. That...She got there way too fast. 

She clenched the hem of her shirt and bit her lip. It was a bad idea. It was a _really_ bad idea. Eva would most likely say no, and who knew what would happen after that. But what if she said yes? Natsuhi shook her head. That possibility was bound to lead to disaster too.

' _Really, why am I even considering this?_ '

A repeated question she had asked herself countless times. What little courage she had built up was already withering away, and she wasn't even in the room that was her potential resting place.

But she had to make a decision and fast. She was standing in the middle of the hall and if someone came by, it would look strange. Her eyes lingered on the knob, hesitation clear. It wasn't too late. She could still leave and completely forget about the thoughts plaguing her mind. 

' _...No....If I don't do it now, I'll just keep going around in circles..._ '

Breathing deeply, she reached for the knob and slowly turned it, creaking the door open just slightly. She suddenly felt sick as the anxiety she'd been holding back shot up all at once. 

' _There's no going back after this. I mean, I could, but....ah....The longer I stand here, the stranger it will seem._ '

It really was insane. How could she even think about something so....She had to leave. Just shut the door, turn around, and go. She'd figure something else out. 

She was about to do just that when she felt a force on the other side of the knob, pulling the door out of her grasp. She flinched as her last physical obstacle was swung wide open, filling her field of vision with the inside of the parlor and the last person she wanted to see at that moment standing in the door frame. 

She felt her heart sink, while the other person had a confused expression on her face. However, it almost immediately melted into a sly grin once she realized who was in front of her,

"Oh, Natsuhi-neesan. So, it was you who was here. I knew I wasn't imagining things when I heard the door open." She glanced back as if recalling the memory before looking at Natsuhi again, raising an eyebrow, "I wonder...Just how long have you been standing here like this and why?"

Natsuhi stiffened. Such a question was....How could she possibly answer that?

"...Eva-san....Why are you asking such a thing?" Wonderful. Answering a question with another question would just lead to an endless cycle of more, and she couldn't handle that right now.

"Well, I didn't hear any voices, which suggests no one was keeping you from coming in. So, does that mean you were just standing here the whole time?" She moved to cross her arms, a smirk bright on her face.

It was times like that—times when Eva was obviously enjoying herself because she knew she had the upper hand—when Natsuhi realized exactly how much she just couldn't get along with her new sister-in-law. Which made her question, yet again, why she was considering _Eva_ of all people. She had to relax though. There was no way Eva actually knew why she'd been standing there for so long. She couldn't possibly know how nervous she felt and why. She was just enjoying getting under her skin, because she saw an opportunity and took it. Natsuhi took a breath,

' _...Calm down....She's just trying to mess with you, like she always does. Don't let her win. If you can't even handle this then...._ ' Her thoughts halted as she recalled the inner struggle she was having even at that moment. So what if she couldn't handle that? Hadn't she already decided she was going to leave and look for a different solution? No, but despite that, she really shouldn't let herself be walked over so easily. It was something so minor that she-

"Neesan."

She blinked as she was brought out of her thoughts. Ah, right. She was asked a question, but had been so caught up in her mind that she hadn't given an answer. Once Eva saw that she had her attention, she spoke again,

"I don't appreciate you zoning out like that when I asked you something." she was clearly annoyed, not liking the fact that she was ignored, "It's not such a difficult question to answer, is it? Honestly...." She may have been irritated, but her voice was still as condescending as ever. That was Eva for you. Natsuhi grimaced slightly before muttering an answer,

"...I.... I was simply deep in thought about something....What does it matter?" The truth without saying too much, though she wanted to smack herself for asking another question. They'd never get off the topic at that point. However, thankfully, Eva seemed to have lost interest, as she just shrugged her shoulders,

"Eh, it's not like I really care. It just seemed a bit strange is all." She turned to walk back into the parlor, "If you're going to come in, then come on. If not, make sure you shut the door before you leave. And don't just stand there this time, alright?" she looked over her shoulder as she said that sentence and laughed mockingly. Natsuhi felt her face heat up at that, but quickly took a breath to calm down. Getting flustered wouldn't help anything. She took a moment to think clearly,

' _Isn't this.....Isn't this just a final chance, to turn around and leave, presenting itself to me?_ ' It was. While she thought she was doomed the moment the door was swung open, it seemed she had been granted another escape route, ' _...So, why am I not taking it? I can't possibly....still be....._ '

"...tch...." It was a very soft noise of frustration. It was her last chance, and yet....and yet....She sighed at her own self defeat. She closed her eyes, took yet another deep breath, and slowly stepped into the parlor, shutting the door behind her.

**————**

She was nervous. She was really, really nervous. There was no way she could do it. She had put it off even more by calling for someone to bring her tea, but Natsuhi knew the clock was ticking. Her tea didn't even taste good. In fact, it just tasted like nothing. She continued to drink it, nonetheless. As she went to take another sip, Eva's voice rang out, causing her to flinch. Fortunately, the tea didn't go down wrong, resulting in a coughing fit. That was the last thing she needed.

"Hey. ...Are you alright? You seem a little....unusual."

"Is...Is that so?" Natsuhi tried to offer a grin, but failed miserably and instead just lifted her cup up to her lips again. She looked anywhere, but the person on the sofa across from her.

"Yeah....And by 'a little', I mean a lot." Surprisingly, her concern sounded quite genuine. Natsuhi wasn't sure if that made her feel better or worse. While Eva's usual cruel behavior often made her feel terrible, it was something she had at least gotten somewhat accustomed to. If she suddenly started showing any type of friendliness, it would make her more willing to ask her what she needed to, and she was still thinking about just running away. However, luckily(?), Eva's tone changed into her usual sneering one, as she laughed, "Is it one of your world famous headaches?"

Natsuhi's eyes widened a bit, but lowered back down into a scowl as she realized she was being made fun of, "...You say it as if they aren't that bad..."

"Well, I don't know. Are they?"

"...Of course they are."

"Hmmm...."

Did she really have to be like that every time they had a conversation? Always purposely making her feel like her problems weren't real—that they were insignificant. Natsuhi was about to give another response, but stopped when she saw the smug expression on the other woman's face. That was close. She was playing right into her hands, reacting the way Eva wanted her to. Noticing that, Natsuhi said nothing and instead took another sip of her then cold tea. It left a bitter taste in her mouth, but she made sure to show no sign of it. If she was going to have any chance of going through with it, she would have to at least be equal with the woman across from her.

Easier said than done. Eva always loved to flaunt the family crest on her clothes and remind her of her rank in the family. Even though Natsuhi was married to the future heir of the family, her own rank was lower than even that of Rosa's, the youngest of the four siblings by far. It left her feeling inferior to say the least.

Anyway, neither of them spoke again, and the next few minutes were filled with silence. Natsuhi wasn't even going to pretend her tea tasted alright anymore. She was growing more frustrated by the minute and ultimately decided she just couldn't bring herself to do it. She was about to use her nearly empty teacup as an excuse to leave, but stopped dead as Eva spoke again,

"So, what's really the problem?"

"....What?" Natsuhi's voice was weak. Eva was trying to delve deeper? _Why?_   When she was just about to leave and not look back on such a foolish idea?

"Oh my, Natsuhi-neesan, are you hard of hearing?" she feigned shock, but giggled all the same, "I asked why you're acting so strange?"

She stiffened, "...I...I'm not acting strange..." she murmured, barely audible, as she looked down into the little bit of liquid that was left in her cup.

"Right, right. And I'm not an Ushiromiya. Come on, Neesan. Even Rosa would be able to tell."

"That's!" she stopped. She always disliked how the older siblings treated the young girl. Their view of her was anything but acceptable. However, Natsuhi had tried before to get them to stop, but they disregarded her wishes. And being a low rank didn't give her much say in a lot, so she simply ignored it, "....I thought I said it was just a headache...."

"You said nothing about that. I did. And I was joking. Or could you not tell?" She was making fun of her again. Natsuhi had to leave. She'd already made up her mind. She couldn't keep running in circles like the way she was. If she didn't just leave, she was bound to- "Natsuhi-neesan."

"W-what?" her hand flew up to hold her forehead, covering her face in the process. Maybe she really was getting a headache. She looked anywhere but straight ahead, but she could tell Eva cocked her head a bit,

"....You look really troubled. ...And your face is pretty flushed...." she grinned even more and leaned forward a bit, "Now I _really_ wonder what the problem is? Won't you tell me?"

She knew it was a mistake. She knew it was all a mistake. While she'd been glad before that they were the only two in the room, she was thanking the witch of the forest that there was no one else around at that moment. She set her cup on the table and rose to her feet abruptly, still covering her face under the guise of a headache,

"I'm sorry, please excuse me." she hurried towards the door—towards freedom—but was chained back down.

"Does it have to do with Niisan?"

She knew—she _knew—_ she should have just kept walking. It was the smartest move to make. Yet, rather than moving towards the door, Natsuhi stayed where she was. She didn't turn around, nor did she even remove her hand from her face. Against her better judgment, she gave a response,

"...........What makes you think that?" 

"Well, it was just a guess at first, but your reaction right now is a dead giveaway." A low laugh could be heard. Natsuhi bit her lip. A dead giveaway? Eva had no idea what was actually going through her mind. She wasn't even sure if she, herself, knew. Natsuhi realized far too late that she really should've just kept her mouth shut,

".......Well.......it's not.....entirely about him......" She had to go. It was getting way too risky. She was walking on dangerous water, and if she didn't leave, she was going to sink and drown.

"Hoh. So, it does have something to do with him. That moron. I wonder what he did this time?" Eva laughed, as she stood up.

What he did? That wasn't right. It was more what he _didn't_ do. And what she didn't— _couldn't—_ do for him. Which was why....No. No, she had to go. Her final chance. Just walk out. Except she couldn't, as Eva was suddenly in front of her. Between her and the door. Natsuhi tried to swallow, but the lump in her throat left her suffocating. While she felt like she was dying, Eva was obviously enjoying herself. Natsuhi wouldn't have been surprised if she had knowingly blocked her escape. Like she could tell she was planning on fleeing and stepped in to prevent that. There was no way she was going to let her go then. That moment before entering the parlor really _had_ been her last chance. 

"Nee, Natsuhi-neesan? You really do look quite distressed over this. Do you want me to go say something to him?" It was more a joke than an actual offer. But it seemed to open the way the conversation needed to go. ...Despite all her rational thoughts,

"....I....I wonder.....if you would.....be willing to do a favor...." She was no longer holding her head, but she still wasn't looking at the other person. Instead, her eyes were downcast, staring at the floor. The, oh so, not at all interesting floor.

"Oh? So, you really do want a favor from me? You must be desperate." she chuckled again. 'Desperate' really was an accurate word to describe it, "Soo? What is it?"

Did she even have a heartbeat anymore? Natsuhi couldn't tell. She couldn't focus on it. She couldn't focus on anything, yet, she was focusing on way too much. There was a loud ringing in her ears, and her hands felt numb from clenching them too tight. Her mouth was dry, not even the bitter taste from the tea lingering on her tongue, and her vision was blurred. She wanted to take a deep breath. She _needed_ to. Her chest felt restricted. But no real relief was brought to her lungs. She was really about to go through with it,

".................ch me..........ave............"

Eva quirked an eyebrow, amused at the scene in front of her, "Ehh? What was that? You were mumbling so quietly that I couldn't make it out."

The other woman gritted her teeth. At that point, there was already no going back. Bracing herself, she spoke again, as clearly as she could, but her voice shook with every word,

"Will you....teach me how to have...sex?"

It was silent. It was dead silent. The floor was still the only thing she'd look at. Her whole body felt numb. Had she actually said those words? After a few more moments, Eva spoke again, though her voice no longer held the teasing tone it had before. Instead, it was lower, and it sounded a bit...dangerous,

"....Hohh? .....Is this some kind of joke? I had no idea you had such a sense of humor...." 

"It....It's not a joke....."

".....Well, if it's not a joke, might I ask why you're requesting such a thing?"

There it was. She'd somehow gotten past the initial stage—asking the question. It was time for the explanation. Natsuhi thought that it should've somehow been easier to do, but, the more she thought about it, she realized it was going to sound just as ridiculous. She gripped the hem of her shirt,

"That's...." she swallowed hard. Her throat hurt, "....Krauss-san and I have, um....tried numerous times, but...." _'I couldn't do it.'_ For all the pride she'd thrown away, she couldn't bring herself to admit that. All the jumbled reciting she'd practiced in her head various nights before was completely forgotten. She had to think of something to say, but her mind was drawing a blank. She wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not when Eva took over the conversation,

"Don't tell me, that Niisan couldn't get it up, or something? And then you felt like it was your fault for not being able to please him?" Her voice was still low, but it had a spark to it again. Natsuhi felt herself blush at her words. It wasn't what had happened, but she hated to admit that she wouldn't be surprised if it would,

"...No. It just.....It didn't really work out...."

"I don't see how that's any different from what I just said." A laugh. The whole situation was going poorly, "...So, basically: You want to sleep with me so you can learn how to perform well in bed?"

Her face caught on fire. Hearing it said so bluntly made her realize exactly just how shameful the whole proposal actually was,

"M...More or less, yes." 

The room was silent again. All that could be heard was the ticking of the clock, though Natsuhi was sure time wasn't moving. She still hadn't received an answer, but she was certain what it would be. It really had been such a foolish idea. Eva spoke again, a hint of amusement in her voice,

"And just what makes you think I have any experience in that regard? Obviously, Rosa's too young, but what about Rudolf? Surely, he would be the better choice. And we all know how much he'd _love_ to get you into bed."

Natsuhi brought a hand up and momentarily covered her mouth, lightly biting her finger in the process. She was the one desperate for an answer—just a simple "yes" or "no"—yet, Eva wasn't giving her one and instead expected some to her own questions.

Natsuhi brought her hand back to her side and chanced a glance at the woman in front of her. However, she immediately averted her eyes when they were met with a smug expression,

"...Well, Rudolf-san...would probably let it go to his head, right? And, um...him being a man...It would be bad if I got pregnant..."

"Haa, that's true. It would be incredibly unfortunate if you were to conceive a child, but with the wrong man. And with the brother of the husband, as well. But, Natsuhi-neesan, I wonder why you're asking the _sister_ , rather than just trying to figure it out together with Niisan? I'm sure it would come to both of you in time."

"...That's..." her voice faded. Why was she even still offering information? She took another breath and continued, "....As you know, ...Krauss-san is often busy helping Father, and, so, he tends to go away on business trips quite a bit of the time. Because of that, we don't really...get much time to...." she felt herself shake. Or maybe she'd been shaking the whole time. She didn't know, and guilt slowly ate away at her. She'd requested such a ridiculous service in the first place, and then all that. While she wasn't exactly lying, she wasn't telling the truth either, and Natsuhi could only hope that Eva wouldn't catch on. Fortunately, she seemed to accept that as a decent enough answer,

"Well, that's certainly believable. In fact, he has a trip coming up soon, doesn't he?" she glanced to the side as she seemed to recall the upcoming schedule for her brother, before returning her gaze to the person in front of her, "However....No. Never mind." That caused Natsuhi to glance at her again. Another silence dropped between them, as Eva looked like she was deep in thought about something. A greater sense of paranoia consumed Natsuhi, and she shifted her feet. How long had they been standing there? Even though she knew the chance was long gone, she still wanted to just leave the room and not look back. She felt her breath catch in her throat when Eva finally spoke again,

"However, what I still don't understand is, why me?"

 Natsuhi looked up, confused, "...Huh? ...I... I thought I-"

"What I mean is," Eva interrupted her, "You're suggesting pretty drastic measures, aren't you? Despite everything you've said, are you really so desperate to ask _me_ , of all people? I mean, I know I'm _super friendly_ towards you," she laughed, causing the other to glare ever so slightly, "but, I'm sure you could think of something else if you really tried. ....Unless..."

The volume of her voice fell along with her grin. It looked as if something had suddenly clicked within her mind and Natsuhi felt her heart skip a beat. She had no idea what was about to happen, but she had a feeling it wasn't going to be anything good. That thought was enforced even more when Eva's mouth curved back into a grin, far more sinister than before, and took a couple steps forward. Sirens went off in Natsuhi's mind. She was getting closer--too close. Natsuhi instinctively took a step back, (not) prepared to say something, but before she could, the oncoming figure stopped right in front of her, maintaining eye contact. She seemed to enjoy how the woman before her was reacting, and purposely let the silence draw on a bit, before finally speaking,

"Natsuhi-neesan....Are you attracted to me?"

It took a moment. It took a long moment for the meaning of those words to register, but the second they did, Natsuhi felt her face go aflame,

"That!- ...D-don't be ridiculous! I already explained to you all the reasons why you're the best option!"

"Ohh? So, that's a 'yes', then? I'm flattered." Eva giggled. She had complete control of the situation, Natsuhi having lost what little bit she may have had,

" _Like I said!_ That's not the case! And even if it were, it has nothing to do with what we've been discussing!"

"Natsuhi-neesaan~ You seem quite upset right now."

"Because you! You!..." she took a breath, trying to find the words to express her thoughts, "You think....that I could be attracted....to _you_?" she gestured her hand towards the other, as if to emphasize her point. Eva just raised an eyebrow, smirk still in place,

"Well, I certainly find _you_ attractive. Though your personality could use some work." she laughed as she watched the face of the flustered woman twist with embarrassment and offense at the same time. She continued, deciding to give the topic a slight change, "Ohh, also, Natsuhi-neesan. In the midst of all this, I realized that within that whole 'explanation' you gave, you failed to mention any form of payment."

Natsuhi froze. She hadn't...She swallowed,

"...P...Payment?"

"Hoh? ...Could it be you have nothing in mind? Natsuhi-neesan....Did you really come here to ask me to engage in such risky activities with you with nothing prepared to give me in return?"

Natsuhi bit her lip. She'd long since stopped looking at Eva. The floor was a good friend again. She hadn't thought of any type of payment. She'd spent so much time trying to think of everything else she was going to say, that any favors for the favor slipped her mind. And, to be fair, she didn't think she'd get passed the actual asking part. She spoke sheepishly,

"I...I don't know...."

"Whaat? You 'don't know' ? Please tell me: What am I supposed to get out of this whole deal, _Natsuhi-neesan_?"

It was cruel. The way Eva was acting was cruel, and Natsuhi just wanted to disappear. She knew it was a mistake. She knew it was. She should have never asked, but it was too late. All she could do was beg for Eva to forget all about it—which she was sure would be next to impossible to do. She hid her face, not even attempting to make it look like it was just a headache bothering her,

"I...I'm sorry. This was a horrible idea. I don't know what I was thinking. You're right, I can find another way. But, Eva-san, if....if you could just.....Would you please just forget any of this happened? Please. I'm begging you, so just-"

"Okay."

Natsuhi looked at her, surprised by how easy it was to convince her. Half expecting it to be a joke, she waited, but when one didn't come, she sighed a breath of relief,

"T...Thank you...so much. I'll never ask you of such a thing again. I'm sorry I bothered you with it in the first place. I'll just leave-"

"No, Natsuhi-neesan. _Okay._ I'll do it."

Natsuhi stared at her, confusion washing over her face as she processed what had just been said. Did Eva just...? As realization hit her, Natsuhi took another step back and stuttered,

"W-Wait! T-That's...! Ahh, what...What are you saying?!" She just couldn't believe it. Her ears must have played tricks on her. There was no way Eva actually said yes. Her thoughts of doubt (well, at least some of them), however, were thrown out the window when Eva chuckled, 

"'What am I saying?' I'm saying that I'm going to teach you how to have se-"

"A-Anyway!" Natsuhi quickly blurted out, purposely interrupting her. She held her face in the palm of her hand, clearly embarrassed, "Why would you even...What about payment?"

"Oh, don't worry. Since you obviously have nothing in mind, I'll be the one to decide what it should be. However, I'll have to think about it, so until then, I'll be doing this for absolutely free. Aren't I such a _kind_ person?" She was making fun of her. She was making fun of her, and Natsuhi swore her already bad plan was turning out even worse than she ever imagined it could,

"But, why...why would you..."

"My, my, Natsuhi-neesan. ...Are you really that surprised that I said yes?" She laughed as she watched the woman in front of her continue to hide her face. She expected some sort of response, but instead, yet another silence filled the room. Looking at her, Eva realized it really must have been a surprise. After all, it was far from a normal favor, and the fact that _she_ had been the one asked of it.... She studied the other: She was desperately trying to cover her face, though it was obvious how red it was. At some point, the redness had even spread to her ears. Her body looked stiff and was shaking slightly. And, not to mention, she had refused to look at her throughout almost the whole time. ...She really must have been...so insecure about the whole thing. Eva let out a small sigh, and spoke again in a bit of a nicer tone, though a small grin still decorated her face, "...Come on, Neesan. ...You came to me about this, yet you're the one who looks unsure."

".............."

Eva sighed again. Amidst the silence, a thought crossed her mind, causing her grin to grow. She started walking forwards, "Natsuhi-neesan."

Sensing movement, Natsuhi finally looked up, only to see Eva coming straight for her. ' _Wait...H...huh?!_ ' Barely having time to think, all she could do was quickly stumble backwards. However, she stopped abruptly when she bumped into the back of the sofa, her hands gripping the rim of it. Before she could try to move again, Eva calmly gripped it as well on both sides of her, pinning her to the spot. Natsuhi's breath caught in her throat,

"...Wait...! What....What are you...." her voice was just barely above a whisper. That was all she could manage as her mind tried to catch up with what was happening, eyes staring frightfully into the other. The other woman chuckled. She was finally looking at her again.

Despite the closeness, Eva actually wasn't touching her at all, as she purposely held her body back just far enough. She laughed as it was evident the quivering woman still thought it was far too close for comfort, though. Her shoulders were hunched and her head was shrunk down into them. That made it easy for Eva to tower ever so slightly over her. She could finally get a good look at her face: It was red. It was very red. Her eyes were wide and and looked slightly moist. Was she about to cry? As amusing as she found that, Eva kept any snide remarks to herself. It was obvious that Natsuhi was flustered and embarrassed, ...but more than that, she looked....

Eva moved her face closer to Natushi's, causing the latter to flinch. Too close. Too close. She was way too close. Eva's face stopped just a breadth away from hers,

"Neesan." she repeated, cocking her head to the side, "...You look terrified."

A sharp release of breath came out of her mouth. It was too much. It was too much. She couldn't take it. Eva was right, and Natsuhi hated it. She tried to speak, but her breath was ragged, and her words were quiet,

"Pl...ease....Sto...p....Get o-"

"Tonight," she was interrupted, as Eva spoke softly, "after the servants have made their rounds and everyone has gone to bed, come to my room. ...I'll wait until ten. If you're not there by then, I'll assume you've changed your mind, and I'll forget all about this, ...alright?" she was still smiling. Natsuhi could only stare at her, confused. She blinked a couple of times as she processed those words,

"...What? ....But, that's...." ' _Tonight is...way too soon._ ' Her eyes darted to the side. She couldn't say that. Instead, she swallowed and asked, "....Why are you...offering such a....?"

"Because, Natsuhi-neesan: It has to be up to you. I've already given you my answer, and I'm sure with it. But...you look like you need a bit more time to think. And this way, if you do decide on 'no', I won't waste my time going to your room."

Natsuhi couldn't believe it. Eva was... _giving her a final chance to back out?_ Whether it was as a joke or actual sincerity, she actually felt a bit of gratitude towards the offer.

Eva stood up straight, releasing the other from her grasp. So much relief washed over Natsuhi as she finally relaxed (as much as she could) and brought a hand up to her face to hold it. Eva backed up to give her more room,

"Also, Neesan. I think it goes without saying, but if you _do_ decide to come to my room tonight, please take care to make sure no one sees you, okay? After all, it would look quite suspicious if someone saw you going in my room, especially in the middle of the night, right?" she giggled and Natsuhi just tightened her grip on the couch,

".....Of course."

"Well," Eva turned and walked towards the door, "I get the feeling that you don't want to see me right now, so I'm going to go. Regardless of what the circumstances are, I'll see you later, _Natsuhi-neesan_." The woman still leaning on the couch said nothing. She was right: She didn't want to see her anymore at that moment. Eva grabbed the knob and opened the door, only to stop. After what felt like far too long, she looked behind her, "Well, I certainly understand now why you were just standing outside the door earlier. What was it you said? You were 'deep in thought about something'? Haha, I wonder what it was~?"

"Eva-san!" she was frustrated and wanted to be alone. She had to be alone.

"Right, right. Sorry." An empty apology. That was the last thing she said before leaving.

Natsuhi let out a breath. With her left alone, the room was once again met with silence. The ticking of the clock could be heard again, indicating that time was moving forward. ...Time was moving forward....So, there really was no going back. Natsuhi covered her eyes. A tear slid down her face, followed by another. She'd been holding them in for so long. She regretted so much. She wanted to go back, but it was too late. Even though Eva had claimed she would forget everything if 'no' was the final choice, Natsuhi knew she'd still hold it over her. But, if she went with 'yes' ..... She continued to sob, silently.

No matter what would happen from that point on, her life was never going to be, even remotely, "normal" again.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An idea I've had for quite a while now. I like their dynamic .3. I get sad at the lack of fics for them (and just for Umineko in general >_> *cough*) Anyway, please let me know what you think so far, and have a great day (or night if you're an owl, like me) ^^


	2. Chapter 2

She bit her lip, for what felt like the millionth time in just the past hour alone. She flinched at the sudden feeling of pain. Had she bruised it? Wonderful. Natsuhi paced about her room, stopping to, yet again, glance at the clock. The minute hand was approaching even closer to the 10 digit than it was before. But, of course it was; That's what clocks do. Her hand rose to hold her head,

_'What should I do? I don't know I don't know.....'_

After the "unfortunate" scene that had taken place in the parlor earlier that day, time seemed to drag on. It dragged on at a tortuously slow pace, and Natsuhi took great caution whenever she rounded a corner within the halls of the mansion. She knew she couldn't avoid Eva all day, but she still didn't want to run into her if she could help it.

She had been pretty lucky, only crossing paths with her once. Expectant of a snide remark, Natsuhi was surprised when Eva only offered her a quick grin and kept walking. She didn't know what to make of that. Was Eva trying to mess with her? Or maybe she just really didn't have anything to say.

While the majority of the day had gone smoothly (or at least as much as it could have), she couldn't escape the inevitable family dinner. Eating an Ushiromiya meal was never very pleasant for Natsuhi, as it was always just another reminder of her low rank, due to how the seating arrangements worked. ...It really was a prestigious family.

Rather than sitting next to or across from her husband, her reserved seat was set to the right of the brother-in-law, Rudolf. However, she was actually relieved for the ranking system, for once. If she were permitted to take the seat directly by Krauss, she'd just be even closer to the problem she had managed to create for herself.

She'd somehow kept her calm throughout most of the meal, until her name was suddenly called out which caused her to flinch and drop her fork onto the plate. The clanging sound caused everyone to look in her direction, Kinzo making a disapproving noise. Natsuhi stiffened. She always tried so hard to please him, but then events like that would happen. She muttered an apology and looked towards the person who had called her, "....Yes, Eva-san?"

"Oh, I was just going to ask you how your day's been going so far? You're awfully quiet. Much more than usual." She smirked, as she lifted her beverage up to take a sip. Her whole demeanor let it be known to the person in question that she already knew the answer. Natsuhi frowned. She should've known Eva was waiting for her guard to be down so she could attack with everyone around.

She took a deep breath and sighed after giving a quiet response, saying she just had a headache. The dinner tasted bland and Natsuhi spent more time watching the clock than eating. The minute hand dragged, but time was still moving forward....

_Time was still moving forward!_

She was still pacing around her room. She had dreaded the way the sun had taken its time moving across the sky to set. She had wanted the suffocating day to hurry up and just end so she could just get it over with. Get what over with? Was she actually...?

She groaned and went to bite her lip only to stop as she felt the pain again. Instead, she bit her finger, staring at the clock. There wasn't much time left. If she didn't leave soon, she wouldn't make it on time. 

Oh, she was a fool. Why had she ever wanted time to move forward? How she wished the hands on the clock would start traveling in the opposite direction. In a state of desperation, she continued staring at the clock, hoping that it would actually happen. Unfortunately, the hand just ticked closer to the number she was growing to hate.

"Why does it have to be tonight...? I'm not....I'm not....ahh...."

The clock. The clock. The damn clock. It only had about 10 minutes left before it would chime at a new hour. The new hour that would quite possibly be her last. Natsuhi paced back and forth a couple more times,

_'This is bad this is bad. I'm almost out of time. What should I do?'_

She stopped and tilted her head back to stare at the ceiling—the same ceiling she had stared at so many times before—hoping to find an answer. Any answer. It wasn't like she'd actually find one there though. She never had. It was just a ceiling. But the plain color seemed to help her relax enough to calm herself down even just a little. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Bringing her head back to its normal position, she looked at the clock yet again.

If she was going to go, she'd have to go then. It would take at least a few minutes to even reach Eva's room, and if she were even one minute late, Eva was sure to say something about it. Who was she kidding? It was already likely that she was going to be ridiculed for waiting until the very last minute. Procrastination really did just cause more stress, it seemed. But she couldn't delay anymore. She had to make a choice and fast.

It was smarter— _safer_ —to just turn off her lights and crawl into her bed to go to sleep. Her thoughts were screaming at her to do just that. Forget everything. Nothing that day had actually happened. It was all a dream that she would wake up from the following morning. ...So, why wouldn't she? Why wouldn't she just take the chance to keep her life as it was? As she started walking towards the door and turning the knob, she already knew her answer for the night.

She really was......such a fool.

* * *

While the Ushiromiya mansion was grand during the day, it gave off an incredibly eerie atmosphere at night, and with the current goal in mind, Natsuhi couldn't help but feel even more anxious while walking through the dark halls. She knew everyone, including the servants, should've already been in bed, but she still took extreme caution, looking every which way to make sure no one was watching her.

It was already strange enough that she was roaming the halls that late at night, but she was still in her day clothes as well. Since she had been so caught up in her thoughts, she hadn't even considered changing. It would just be way too bothersome, not to mention, impossible, to try and explain the whole situation to anyone who might have possibly stumbled upon her. She wasn't even sure she'd be able to explain it to herself.

Before she knew it, she had arrived at yet another destination. Natsuhi felt sick and was, once again, seriously considering her option to just turn around and leave. It was quickly turning into her experience earlier that day. She took a breath and sighed. She couldn't go around in circles again. She'd already made her decision and had to follow through with it. Besides, if she didn't like it, she could always just say "no" .....right?

Whether it had been a hasty decision or not, she decided to convince herself she had no choice. She slowly raised her hand, took a deep breath, and knocked. At the same time, she heard the grand clock from downstairs chime. Wow, that was actually kind of impressive. But that didn't matter. Her knock had already been so quiet; she began to worry that the person on the other side of the door hadn't heard it. Maybe that was a sign. A final, final chance to leave. How many of those was she going to tell herself she had? Her hand started to raise again but stopped as the door opened.

Natsuhi's breath caught in her throat. What was she thinking? She should've ran. But, no. She told herself to stop going in circles, but that was way easier said than done. Was she really about to....to....? Eva stood there, and a smirk rose to her face,

“…Well, Natsuhi-neesan,” she glanced over at her own clock, “I see you waited until the very last minute to come. I wonder… were you waiting here, staring at the door for a while before finally knocking?” she giggled and Natsuhi blushed at the reminder of the earlier event. Just meeting again, and Eva was already at teasing her. And she didn’t let the comment about her waiting until the last minute go unnoticed. How did she know Eva would mention that?

“…Actually, no. …I wasn’t.” It was the truth. …Well, mostly. She had stood there, but not for nearly as long as she had at the parlor door.

“Ohh? …Alright, then. I believe you.” she laughed. She totally didn’t believe her. Oh, well. If Natsuhi tried to push it anymore, she’d just be giving Eva the kind of entertainment she wanted, and she had to be as calm and collected as possible. Seeing that the other wasn’t going to say anything else on the matter, Eva spoke again,

“Well, get inside before the chance that anyone comes by happens.” It was clear that she didn’t think anyone would actually walk by, but maybe she was saying it more out of consideration for the other. …Doubtful. It was more likely just Eva being Eva. She held the door open wider, gesturing for the other to enter, and Natsuhi knew once she walked in……Was it too late to back out and leave? No. No, she had to do it. …For Krauss too.

She walked forward, her body moving but her mind still behind. She had to just get inside. Keep moving forward. If she let her mind catch up too fast she would start to think too much again and cause herself to panic. But when she heard the door close and the locks being set, her thoughts came rushing back as she took in her surroundings.

Eva's room. It was normal enough, but it was still foreign ground; unfamiliar. ....Uncomfortable. Realization of just exactly what was going to happen began to settle in, and Natsuhi had never before considered jumping out a window so much as her eyes lingered on the one not too far away. After (reluctantly) dismissing the thought, she took in everything else within her field of vision.

...It really was like pretty much any other bedroom in the mansion: a window, a desk, a nightstand, ...a bed. Her eyes stopped there. ....Would she be on that bed soon....? Her heart literally jumped out of her chest when she heard her name called from behind her. Standing in the middle of the room, her hand rose to her chest and she refused to turn around even as she was being spoken to,

"I must say....I'm surprised you actually came."

 _'........Me too.'_ her thoughts rang out in her head but didn't reach her voice. What was she supposed to say? As she continued standing where she was, her line of sight was, once again that day, directed at the floor. Another silence dropped between them. Another, suffocating, silence. One hand still clutching her chest, her other rose to her head. ...It hurt. More than usual. No doubt, because of all that had happened throughout the day.

....Maybe she could use her headache as an excuse to leave. After all, it wasn't a lie that she had one. ......Though she knew that wouldn't work at all. Eva wouldn't believe her; she already always disregarded them. Natsuhi tried to take a deep breath, but it was hard. The silence....was dragging on for too long.

.....What was Eva doing? Why wasn't she saying anything? Natsuhi knew she should've just turned around, but she couldn't. She did, however, decide to open her own mouth to try and speak, but stopped when the other finally broke the silence,

"...So, you seemed like you enjoyed dinner earlier." A small laugh.

...Seriously? If she hadn't been feeling so high strung, Natsuhi _might_ have been able to see the humor in such a sarcastic statement. ...Even if it was meant as a joke towards her. Natsuhi knew no matter how she answered, she'd be playing right into Eva's hands, giving her what she wanted. ...But she couldn't just keep staying silent either. She sighed, defeated,

".....It was alright."

"Though Father didn't seem too pleased when you dropped your fork. Quite disgraceful, right?"

"....You did that on purpose...."

"Hmm, what? I have no idea what you're talking about."

"............."

Her lack of response brought about another silence. Natsuhi instinctively wanted to bite her lip again, but stopped herself since she remembered it would hurt. While the small talk was belittling her, she found herself wanting it to continue. It would keep them busy, and thus put off the.... She swallowed. ....How were they even supposed to start? She already knew there was no way she was going to make any move....which meant Eva was more than likely to. And remembering the scene in the parlor.....

"So-"

"Your room!"

The sudden exclamation threw both of them off. After a few seconds, Eva spoke, confusion mixed with amusement in her voice,

"...Yes?"

"Ah...um.........Your room.....It's......nice......" Natsuhi mentally smacked herself, tightly gripping the material of her shirt. Why did she have to make everything...so much more difficult for herself? ...She got scared.... She got scared that Eva was going to ask about starting, so she just blurted out the first thing she could think of, but, evidently, it wasn't the best choice or delivery. She heard a slight chuckle as Eva responded,

"....Thanks? Though, it's not much different from any other room around here, as I'm sure you've noticed by now."

"....Right...."

It was getting hard to breathe again. That was the last time she was going to try to strike up a conversation first. ....But, that meant Eva would always have control over what would be brought up. Wasn't that....bad? It was. It was really bad. She took a breath that only managed to make her feel worse. ...The window was still an option. However, her focus was brought back to the voice calling from behind her,

"Nee-san.....I wonder if you'll be polite enough to turn around and look at me?" It was anything but a humble request. It was more like a playful demand. One she didn't want to obey. If she turned around, what would happen? Would it be like earlier in the parlor? Though it didn't sound like she was right behind her, ready to take her off guard, so maybe it would be okay. ....Maybe......No, it wouldn't. Nothing about the situation was really "okay", but she forced herself to turn around anyway. ...It wouldn't last much longer. Looking for a final distraction, she finally noticed that Eva, too, was still in her clothes from the day, and commented on it,

"...You're not in your pajamas....?"

"Huh?" Eva wore a puzzled look on her face as she glanced down at what she was wearing. After a moment, she answered simply, "Oh, well I figured if I was going to be getting undressed, there'd be no point in doing it twice, right? Ah, you're blushing." she giggled, "Could it be that you had the same thought? You're still in your outfit from earlier as well."

"D-!....Don't be ridiculous. That's not it at all....." She had asked that question to steer _away_ from that topic, not towards it. Yet, there they were. Talking about it.

"Right, right~ ......." Her bright tone faded into silence. Once again, only the ticking of the clock could be heard, and both were left to their thoughts. Natsuhi was holding her breath more and more with each passing second while Eva appeared to be carefully considering her next move....whatever that would be. 

Natsuhi had been trying (and failing) so hard to remain calm the whole time, but with the next words that echoed quietly between them, she truly felt like she was going to lose it,

"....So. ...Are you ready?"

 "…......…..." Natsuhi stood there, stiff as a board. After a few subtle (at least she hoped they were), deep breaths, her hands dropped down and clenched the hem of her shirt. She tried to open her mouth to say something—anything—but no words came out. She closed her eyes tightly and slowly—ever so slowly—nodded her head.

Beyond the darkness she was enveloped in, Natsuhi couldn't see anything. What was Eva doing? ...What was going to happen? Ridiculous. She knew what was going to happen. She tried to take another breath, eyes still shut. Maybe if she opened them, she really would wake up to find it all to have been a dream. However, that frail hope was crushed and her eyes shot open to reality when Eva finally spoke,

"Then...I'll start."

She no longer heard anything. Not even the tick tocks of the clock drifted into her ears anymore. Her grip tightened and she took a step back as the other began closing the distance between them. Eva stopped briefly when she saw that, but resumed advancing forward until they were mere inches apart.

Natsuhi could only concentrate on the strong pounding within her chest. She had no idea what to expect first. She couldn't look at her; her eyes were still glued to the floor. After another short moment, Eva finally moved and Natsuhi's breath caught in her throat.

Two soft hands reached down and lightly gripped her wrists. Tugging ever so slightly, the older of the two got the other to release the grip on her shirt, and brought her hands up closer to eye level. The younger of the two felt her body shudder and she tried to take another step back, but couldn't get very far. 

Her wrists.... They were both in the others grasp. ...She couldn't....get away anymore.... Wait.... No.... That was bad....that was bad that was bad...! She chanced a glance at her, to see what she was about to do. ...But Eva wasn't doing _anything_. She was just standing there....

Natsuhi tried to swallow. She tried so hard, but something that should have come naturally was truly proving to be difficult that day. Eva just continued to stand there, keeping the other woman's wrists trapped in a cage, studying her. After another brief moment, she finally spoke, the slightest hint of amusement in her voice,

".....You're trembling."

"....….....a.......ah.....?" It was a barely audible sound. She turned her sight to the pairs of hands between them, and realized that she really was shaking...... _shivering_. Her head lowered and her gaze returned elsewhere. 

".....Are you alright?"

It was a genuine question--one that made Natsuhi look back briefly--but it was still delivered with a very short laugh. Her head fell even more and she forced a soft mumble from her lips,

"I.....Yes............It's just... a little cold....is all....." Why did she add such a blatant lie? 

"Cold...?" Eyebrows raised, Eva repeated that word, a puzzled expression on her face. A grin quickly replaced it, though, "....Is that so?"

Her tone of voice made it clear that she knew it was a lie. She sounded suspicious too. Curious, but also cautious, Natsuhi started to raise her head, but flinched immediately.

Having brought one of her hands up to her lips, Eva placed a small kiss upon the knuckles of the curled up hand. Her mouth lingered there, and Natsuhi involuntarily shook again, trying meekly to pull her hand away. Eva finally drew her lips away and stared at the trembling mess before her,

"...You really are shaking quite a bit."

"............."

She was expecting more words to be tossed about. To be teased in the way she usually was. ...It was the most obvious outcome. However, she wasn't at all prepared for the sudden feeling of arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her in a close hold. Alarms went off.

 _Close. Close. They were way too close._ ...But wasn't that the point? She knew that. She did. Even so, she couldn't keep herself from rushing her finally freed hands to Eva's shoulders to hold her back, even just a bit. Panic took over, and she yelled in a whisper,

"What...! What are you...."  but her voice faded and her body jerked as she felt a hand began to crawl up her back. The movement paused for a moment before continuing up to the back of her head, fingers curling into her hair.

Eva moved in closer, the hold on her shoulders useless. She positioned her head so her mouth was directly by Natsuhi's ear and spoke in a low tone, hot breath causing the latter to release a sharp breath,

"Well, it's good that we're doing this then. ...It'll warm you right up."

".....a-ah...." 

"Ohh? Could it be you're already feeling it?" she giggled and closed the distance to place her lips on the exposed ear. The other jumped and tried to pull away, but was held in place by the hand still holding the back of her head and the one still around her waist.

Natsuhi whimpered softly, hoping to not be heard. Her ear? That was...already way too much. If she couldn't even handle that, then.... then..... The hand holding her around her waist moved to slide under the fabric of her shirt, slowly up her back....She couldn't.....just like with Krauss...... _Just like with Krauss!_

"Ah! Wait! Wait!"

Eva halted her movements and brought her head back to look at her,

".....What's wrong?"

"Ah....um.........uh....." Her mind had to catch up and her breathing was slightly ragged. What wasn't wrong? It was so much....too much. The breath on her ear, the grasp in her hair, the touch on her bare skin.....she just wasn't prepared...for any of it. Even so.... She breathed in shakily, and just mumbled, "If.....If I tell you to 'stop'......will you....?"

"........" A brief silence that was accompanied by a small laugh, "I just did, didn't I?" 

".......Yes......."

"....So.....Can I continue?"

"...M.....Mm...." She gave a small sound of approval along with a nod. Her head....still hurt....

"Well then, alright. ...Natsuhi-neesan...I wonder if you could wrap your arms around my neck?"

"Eh? W....Why? ...." The request took her off guard. It was hard enough with everything that was already happening, but now she had to perform certain actions herself? Well....that only made sense, didn't it? It wasn't even anything major; just wrapping her arms around her neck....

"Well, for one, it'll make everything overall easier. But you're also gripping my shoulders pretty hard, and it's kind of starting to hurt."

"A...Ah, I'm sorry...!" She quickly released her hold, a new shade of red rushing over her face. She didn't even have to look to know that Eva was watching her with grand amusement _,_

"Alright. Now, then. ....Natsuhi-neesan....."

Her tone was expectant and her gaze was sure to be as well, but the younger woman refused to look.

"H....Hm....?" She knew what Eva wanted; she had just said it after all. But she was still trying to prolong the wait. Her lip founds its way between her teeth, but she winced slightly at the reminder of pain. The older woman didn't seem to notice, though,

"Don't play dumb, Neesan. ....Just do it."

Natsuhi swallowed. After a moment of hesitation, her arms began to rise, reaching behind Eva's neck, only to freeze momentarily. .....Such an action....would only permit her to pull the other closer, and no longer push her away....Another moment passed. Still hesitant, her arms slowly wrapped around the rest of the way, heart beating fast. The other laughed,

"There you go. ...Isn't this much better now?"

Was that....a serious question or a teasing remark? Either way, Natsuhi ignored it and gave no response. At least not a verbal one. If her body language was anything to go by, though.... Eva studied her, yet again. ...She was still shaking tremendously and her entire face was red. It was quite reminiscent of earlier in the parlor, another strong similarity being that she wouldn't look at her….

Eva pressed closer, pulling the other against her more. The sudden action caused the stiff woman to exhale sharply and screw her eyes shut. …They were right up against each other….If Eva couldn’t already hear her heart beat, she’d definitely be able to feel it now. Whether she could or not, the slightly taller woman made no comment. Instead, she leaned forward, closing the distance between their faces.   

She started at her forehead, pressing her lips softly against it. Natsuhi’s eyes flew open at the contact, _‘What’s happening now? What’s happening now….?!’_ Eva lingered there a bit before pulling away enough to speak,

“You’re always getting headaches, right? Do you think this would help them?”

“D…Don’t be ridiculous…..Such a thing…would never……never…..” her voice was just barely a whisper.

Eva’s lips slid down from her forehead to her cheek, allowing Natsuhi to feel them more directly, her hair no longer in the way. …..They were soft……and moving along her jawline, eliciting another whimper from within her throat. …It felt strange…..

When Eva finally drew away, she moved to hover elsewhere—over Natsuhi’s own mouth. ….Was it really such a surprise? It shouldn’t have been. Of course it was going to happen eventually. She just couldn’t prevent herself from jolting and almost— _almost_ —ripping her arms from where they were to once again grasp at the other woman’s shoulders. …But, rather than continuing in any fashion, Eva remained where she was, unmoving; analyzing her.

It felt…like such a suffocating silence again. But then, Eva finally spoke; …in a surprisingly gentle voice,

“Natsuhi-neesan……Is it alright?”

"...H...Huh...?"

Was it...alright......? It...It should've been.....right? She was already expecting it anyway (she was sure she still wasn't prepared though). But it was bound to happen....

"........" her mouth opened to answer but shut again immediately. She just gave a slight nod. It was.....alright....

Permission granted, Eva smiled and closed the last bit of distance between them. 

She shouldn't have flinched so harshly. She shouldn't have. _She shouldn't have._ She knew it was coming. Even so, Natsuhi just couldn't stop her body from reacting in such a nervous manner. 

Eva drew back enough to look at her face, chuckling,

".....You're so red." 

"....D-don't.....comment....on something like that....."

"'Something like that'...? It's just your face, Neesan. ....Though, I think it's spread to your ears as well~"

"!?" Natsuhi almost yanked her arms away to cover said ears, but she willed herself to stop. Doing so would just give Eva more to laugh about, ".....There you go again....."

"Right, right~ ........There I go again...."

Before Natsuhi could even try and force out anymore words, her mouth was silenced. If she wasn't prepared the first time, she was even less so the second. Out of reflex, she tried to pull away, but the hand still on the back of her head prevented any such escape. 

The hand that had remained still on her back resumed its movement as well. It lightly danced around, the younger woman arching her back. Her lips parted and a barely audible whine flowed out. She quickly pursed them shut again and at the same time felt moisture on them as Eva ran her tongue across-

She finally lost what little composure she had. Natsuhi jerked her head to the side and brought a hand to cover her own mouth, the other back on the shoulder from earlier. What was....What was _that?_ Why did Eva have to-

"Neesan....?"

_'Your voice....Just stop talking, stop talking! Give me a chance to figure it out for myself!'_

".....Why did you pull away?"

"...........Because...."

_'Dammit, my throat hurts... Don't cry. I can't cry....'_

"'Because' isn't a good enough answer. In fact, it's not an answer at all. Is it something I did? Because if so, you not saying anything is quite unfair to me, wouldn't you agree?"

It was...so _obvious_ , wasn't it? The exact moment she pulled away. Her body language throughout the whole night thus far. 'Because' really was a satisfactory answer, wasn't it!? But, no. Eva just had to play with her. She wanted her to actually say what the problem was; To make her feel even worse about not being able to do something that should have been so simple....

".............I was....surprised........"

"Hoh? ....And just what were you surprised about?"

 _Damn her. Damn her to Hell._ Even then —even while in the midst of doing something like what they were—she was still....so cruel.

".........................Your tongue. .............I wasn't expecting it......is all......."

"Ohh? Is that all?" she giggled, releasing _— finally releasing_—her hold on the other woman. Any relief that may have been felt quickly dissipated, however, as those same hands found their way to Natsuhi's wrists again. The older woman guided them to wrap around her neck again and moved her own to cup the others face on both sides. She grinned to herself; Natsuhi was finally looking at her, eyes wide. Faces inches apart, Eva spoke,

"....So, as long as you know it's coming, you'll be fine?"

"A......ah.....?"

"I'm going to do it again. ...Is that alright?"

Natsuhi...wanted to cry. Eva was cruel. She was so cruel, yet she was being so kind and considerate at the same time. ...Or was that part of her game too? It would make sense. Natsuhi had forgotten just who exactly she was dealing with, and being treated that way was the price to pay. 

She couldn't take the piercing gaze anymore and looked to the side. The wall. Anywhere else. Just not her eyes. Not her face. Nowhere involving her. Pretend she's not there. Pretend it's not her. But that wouldn't work. Of course it wouldn't.

An answer had to be given, and if she kept procrastinating in the silence she would cry. But, if she were too hasty, she would cry. If she said "no", if she said "yes"....

She shut her eyes, hands coming back around to grip the others shoulders (so much for Eva's effort of placing them where they had been), a safe place to have them. Not too intimate, and she could push away if need be. 

Or at least not too intimate on her part. The hands on her face, the lips ready to connect with hers.... So much....So much....

If she didn't answer soon, she would cry....She was definitely going to cry, and Eva was still looking directly at her face. She would see, and Natsuhi didn't want that at all. And so she finally answered with a very shy "yes". 

It would be better that way.... Eva would close her eyes and therefore not see any tears that might form, and they could finally continue. ....That was better....wasn't it?

She expected it to follow right after her answer, but nothing happened. Eva just stood there, silent, deep in thought. 

_'......Why isn't.....she doing anything......!? Ah....I can't breathe..... I can't breathe!'_

A short laugh. But it didn't sound very humored. ...It was more unsure. And after another moment, Natsuhi felt soft lips on hers again. It was a surprise she hadn't torn the sleeves off of Eva's shirt. Not even a small rip.

Breathing was out of the question now. That was it. The end of her life. She didn't have time to get used to it (would there even be enough time in the world for her to?) before Eva's tongue stuck out to lightly run across her lips once again.

Despite knowing it was coming, the feeling still caught Natsuhi by surprise, her own lips parting slightly. That was a mistake. It was such a fatal mistake. She should've kept them closed, no matter how hard it might have been. If she had just... paid attention to her own mouth, rather than the others, she might have been able to keep it shut. But she hadn't, and Eva took advantage of that, easing her tongue between the parted lips.

A surprised sound was all that escaped her intruded mouth. She couldn't...get away. The hold on her face wouldn't let her. The more she thought about it, the more it made sense as to why Eva moved her hands from her body to her face. 

She couldn't pull away. Not at all _not at all!_

Tilting her head more, Eva deepened the kiss, her tongue pushing all the way in, making contact with Natsuhi's,

"Mm!"

A step back.

No good. No good. _No good...!_

Eva followed with a step forward, keeping them close together. Why couldn't...she just give her a little space? Her head hurt.... Her hands her from gripping too hard. Her body hurt from shaking so much. Everything hurt. It all hurt so much.

Tears were...already forming.... They would.... They would trickle down and Eva would feel them.... 

'Wait....No......So, this.....wasn't......the better option......? A.....ahh....'

"Haa...!" It was a sharp exhale. Out of breath out of breath. But she didn't really have any to begin with. Eva traced the inside of her mouth before moving to do the same with her lips. 

The act was so soft; so gentle. It might start to feel nice....if she could just relax....! But she couldn't, she couldn't, she-

"Ah!" 

She cried out in pain as her hands abruptly shoved the other away from her. Gasping for air, her hand rose to cover her mouth. 

"Ah.... Sorry....? ....Are you alright?"

Natsuhi glanced at the other, and she immediately felt somewhat guilty upon seeing the genuine look of confusion on her face. It wasn't her fault. It wasn't like Eva knew her lip was hurting. But, when the older woman had bit it, not only was it a surprise, but it was painful too.

"Y....Yes, I'm alright...... It just....hurt a little....."

"It.....hurt? ....But I barely even bit down...."

"That's.....true....." She should've just kept her mouth shut. But she couldn't stop herself from responding. She felt like she needed to say something and that was what came out.

"....You agree with me? ....And yet it still hurt? ...Neesan.....Just how sensitive are you?"

She laughed as she asked that, but stopped, a brief silence dropping between them yet again that night,

".......You're crying......"

Natsuhi's eyes widened and her free hand hurried to hide her face as best she could. Watching her, a small grin returned to Eva's face, though she didn't seem very amused, "....Did it really hurt that much?"

"…........" It really had hurt, but of course that wasn't the reason tears were running down her face. At least not the main one. It was just part of the problem. A problem she didn't want to admit...., ".......Don't worry about it.......Please......" she took a deep breath, "......just continue....."

They had to keep going......right? They couldn't stop now......

At first, Eva said nothing, as she appeared to be in thought. After a moment, she opened her mouth but stopped. Her eyes glanced to the side, a thoughtful look on her face, before landing back on the woman in front of her,

"......Alright. But I'm tired of standing. Neesan, take off your shoes." 

The command caught her off guard, but upon seeing the other remove her own footwear, Natsuhi followed the motion. Though, she struggled a bit to get them off and even stumbled a bit, blushing when she heard the other laugh. 

She went to wipe a few more tears away, staring awkwardly at her shoes in the middle of the floor,

"....Umm...."

"You can just leave them there. It's fine." 

Eva seemed to read her mind and reached forward, once again grabbing her wrist. Natsuhi didn't have time to say anything before the older woman started leading her—dragging her—elsewhere in the room. It was only when they reached their destination that she begin to connect the dots,

"E.....Eva-sa-"

"Go ahead and lay down, Natsuhi-neesan." She gestured towards the bed, expectant of the other to obey right away. But of course her flustered sister-in-law had to make things more difficult,

"E...eh? ...Here? ....On the bed.....?"

"Well, unless you'd rather do it on the floor, there's nowhere else for you to lay down, is there? Ah. Well, I suppose there's my desk too...."

"Ah! N- no! That's not what I...! ....It's just....."

"Neesan. You said you wanted to continue and I'm fine with that. .....But I don't feel like standing anymore. So, just lay down. ...We were going to end up in my bed eventually anyway, right?"

"................Y.......yes......." Her answer was incredibly quiet, but it was heard nonetheless. Eva...was right.... Of course they were going to end up there at some point... It was nothing surprising.... Just....with each passing second, it was made more and more clear just how real the whole situation was. 

....And that was terrifying....

After wiping a couple more tears away, she slowly crawled onto the mattress. Hesitant on what to do, she simply laid flat on her back, head resting against the soft pillows. The bed was...comfortable at least. 

It was fine. 

Yeah.

As long as she...just...relaxed......

Even as Eva climbed on top of her. Even as she straddled her waist, trapping her in place even more. Even as she leaned down, strands of hair falling to tickle her tear stained face.

She just had to...relax....

Eva cupped a side of her face, gently wiping a tear away with her thumb. Continuing that motion, she placed her lips upon the other cheek, kissing even more of them away. But, it didn't change much, as all of them were simply replaced with more.

Just relax....

How far.....were they going to go....? Ridiculous question. She knew _she knew_.

"Natsuhi-neesan, do you think you could try holding onto me somewhere that isn't my shoulders?" A small laugh which only succeeded in making the younger woman feel even worse. Her grip tightened, and before she could stop herself, she muttered honestly,

".........N...No......" More tears ran down her face, and silence reigned again except for the quiet sounds of sobbing.

Relax....

".....Is that so?" Eva said more to herself, "....Then...I guess it can't be helped...." She resumed stroking the tears away and captured the others lips with her own, resulting in yet another flinch. She let her tongue peek out, but the other woman's mouth was clamped shut. That was no surprise really. So, instead, she moved to drag it up the side of her face, licking even more of the moisture away. And then it traveled back down, along her jawline, and then even lower onto her neck.

"Mm.....a...aa....w...wai...t...."

"...What is it?"

"T-the lights.......they're still......"

_Relax...._

"Oh, they are still on, aren't they?" she raised her head back to hover over the face of the other, "....Honestly, I'm surprised you're just now saying something about them. ...I figured you wanted them on to be able to see...."

"It....That's not......It's.....um.....what......what if the light....shines through the crack of the door.....and........"

Thinking about it, Eva caught on to what she was worried about: If someone just so happened to walk by and saw the lights still on so late at night, it would be suspicious. She grinned to herself, releasing a small sigh. It really wasn't anything to worry about. The odds of someone walking by were already low, but there were more reasons as to not panic over it,

"Don't worry, Neesan. I'm usually up this late studying anyway. Even if someone does walk by, they won't think anything's strange. ...Does that put your mind at ease a bit?"

It didn't.

"Eh? ....You're....usually studying....? Then....why...."

"I didn't have to study that much tonight, and I already got it out of the way."

"..........o...oh....."

**_Relax...._ **

Lips returned to her. From her mouth, to her chin, back to her neck. Kissing.... Licking.... _Nipping_.

"Ah-! D-don't! You'll.....leave a mark....." she turned her head to the side, shying away, but only managed to expose more of her neck to the oncoming torment.

"Hmm? Well, I suppose it would be bad if someone saw them tomorrow.... Alright, alright, I won't use my teeth~ ....You seem to react badly every time I do anyway...."

A few more kisses were placed upon her neck before Eva moved her hand to tuck Natsuhi's hair behind her ear, blowing lightly on it.

"Ya-.....mm......m....m....."

_She couldn't relax **she couldn't relax**_

 ".....Natsuhi-neesan...."

Her breath was hot. It was so hot, and as she spoke directly into her ear, the words flew in one and out the other. She couldn't concentrate anymore. What did just she say? She couldn't hear; only feel, and it was too much, too much.

Fingers drew slowly down her face, then her neck, until, finally, the whole palm began to slide over her-

"Stop!"

Her voice cracked with that one word, and in a rush to prevent the contact, her grip on Eva's wrist was so tight, one might wonder if she'd cut off circulation. The older woman didn't seem fazed at all in the slightest, however. In fact, she figured something like that would happen. It really was no surprise, but she repeated her question from throughout the night, yet again,

"........What's wrong?"

Natsuhi opened her eyes and turned her head back to face the woman on top of her. More tears began to form (or maybe still. Had they ever even stopped?). She cleared her throat (or tried to), averted her eyes, and brought her other hand to cover her face,

".......I.......I'm sorry......My head......hurts a lot....Could we.........not go......too far tonight......?"

".............Oh....? ...So, you've had one of your world famous headaches this whole time, and that's why you've been like this...?" she chuckled, raising an eyebrow, "Yes, that makes sense. ...Alright, I wouldn't want to make your headache any worse, so what exactly is your definition of ' _too far_ '? ...How far _can_ we go....?"

"ah......um.......that is........"

It was...a fair question. Just.....could she handle _anything_? ...She could. It was....simple enough....

"We.......we can....hug......." If her face weren't already so red, an obvious blush would have been evident.

Eva stared at her, a grin forming,

"....So, Natsuhi-neesan.....What you're saying is: ...you just want to cuddle tonight?"

"......y.....yes....." 

"Hmmm? .....Just hugging? ....Nothing else?"

Just breathe....

Of course just that and nothing else would be......ridiculous, right? Eva had seemed ready to go further, so the fact that she had stopped her was unfair....wasn't it? Natsuhi swallowed, her throat sore,

".......we can.....still.....kiss....."

".......So, hugging and kissing until we fall asleep...? Heh...Alright."

She began to lean down, ready to once again press her lips against the others but was stopped by a hand that suddenly blocked her mouth,

"A!....and please...no tongue or teeth....."

Eva blinked a couple of times, staring down at the shivering woman beneath her. She closed her eyes for a moment and laughed softly to herself,

_'Seriously....What have I gotten myself into....?'_

She gripped Natsuhi's wrist and guided it away from her mouth, pinning it to the bed,

"Okay. ...I promise."

And before anything else could be said, one mouth was silenced by the other.

This....was fine. Yeah. ....Still learning without going too fast. She could handle it......tonight.........Tonight.......

....What was going to happen tomorrow!?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't realize that when I titled this, it was going to refer to how it is for me writing it as well lD Took me over literally a month to get this chapter done, sorry guys~ But you know, it's not exactly a short chapter sooo yeah. Anyway, I have a pretty good idea of what to have happen in the next chapter, so hopefully it won't take me as long to write it, but I do have school and whatnot. Also, motivation's hard to have sometimes T_T (and they're long chapters ._.) In the meantime, I'm going to be updating Shipping Adventures of Umineko (at least with one chapter if not more XD). Current one I'm writing is Erika/Battler and it's a bit on the dark side, cause I love writing dark shit (as I've mentioned before) ;D Lol, also: It's rated M for a reason. Just need to get there XD Let me know what you think~


	3. Chapter 3

Wrong _wrong **wrong!**_

Everything was so wrong! Seriously, what had she been _thinking?_ Eva as a teacher? For something so.... When she had woken up, after the smallest bit of sleep she had ever gotten in her life, Natsuhi jumped out of the bed as memories from the night before came rushing back. The sudden motion caused the other to stir, eventually sitting up.

Ahhh, that was bad. Now she couldn't just leave...!

"....Well, you certainly look like you slept well."

' _WELL_ ' ? What a joke! She looked towards the door, avoiding eye contact with the other,

"Ah, um... Yes..! I just....have to..." 

' _LEAVE! I have to leave right now!_ '

Thoughts racing, she subtly checked to make sure her clothes were still on. They were. Good...so they really hadn't gone too far....Though, of course they still could have but....No. No, they didn't. She remembered...enough....She felt her face heat up, her line of sight still on the door. Maybe she could just walk out.....

"Neesan."

Why _why_ **_why_**?!

Natsuhi looked at her long enough to let her know she had her attention, but refused any further eye contact,

"...Y....yes? ...."

She desperately wanted to dart out of the room and not look back, but that would be so unsightly and disgraceful. So she simply stayed put, waiting for Eva to say whatever she was going to say. However, she stayed quiet for a few moments, a hard to read expression painting her face before she finally let out a breath and spoke.

But Natsuhi should've known it wouldn't be anything she wanted to hear.

"Wha~at? No good morning kiss? And after I treated you so gently last night...."

"Wha-!" Her face grew hot and she felt her heart sink. 

' _No stop. Don't talk about last night **don't talk about last night...!**_ '

She felt her throat closing up. No good. If she kept thinking about....' _Dammit dammit! Why is she still smiling?! I can't look at her! Ahh stop looking at me....Stop it stop it....!_ '

"…....No answer? I know you heard me. ...Quite rude, wouldn't you say?"

"....I...I don't....." 

"Hmm? No? Well then," she shifted a bit, Natsuhi quickly taking a step back, 

' _Don't get up don't get up just stay in your bed....!_ '

Thankfully, Eva didn't get up, but she did raise an eyebrow upon seeing her reaction. ....Was she really that nervous? She laughed to herself recalling the previous night. Of course she was. All things considered, Eva supposed she really should have been a bit nicer about the whole situation.

And yet....

She tilted her head and grinned,

"Well, how about a shower then? Of course, I'll accompany you."

As expected, Natsuhi's face went aflame and she stuttered, trying to find words to respond, but utterly failed. Eva laughed, continuing,

"You're still not used to the western style showers, right? Natsuhi-neesan, I can teach you how to use them. ...On top of other lessons."

Screw grace. Natsuhi sputtered frantically, "That'salrightIhavetogo!" before racing towards the door, not sparing a glance back.

"Ah, wait! Don't forget your-"

The door slammed shut.

"....shoes."

Eva, left alone, released a deep sigh. She glanced at the shoes still lying in the middle of her floor before plopping back down onto her pillow, scoffing to herself,

"I was just joking.... Honestly....."

* * *

Really, Eva wasn't at all surprised when she didn't see Natsuhi for the rest of the day. No doubt she locked herself away in her room. Even when everyone sat down for dinner, Krauss entered saying she wouldn't be joining them because "her headache was just too bad". 

How amusing.

The next day was more or less the same, though she did grace them with her presence at dinner where she was as social as ever. It was amazing she ate anything off of her plate, honestly.

The day after that, she did finally start coming out of her room again for more than just the obligatory meal. However, walking through the halls, if she saw Eva, she turned right back around and hurriedly rounded the nearest corner before anything could be said. 

While Eva did consider chasing after her whenever that happened, she always decided against it. It wasn't like Natsuhi could keep that up after all.

Yet she did. 

The next few days passed and she was _still_ avoiding her. At one point, Eva finally gave in and called out to her, which only resulted in her walking faster.

' _Okay, this is getting ridiculous._ '

Given the circumstances, she obviously couldn't complain to anyone else, like she normally would, which meant she only had her thoughts.

' _Just how shy is that girl? I could understand if we actually got to the sex part, but we barely even actually did anything. She doesn't have to run away every time she so much as looks at me._ '

Seriously, it was amusing the first few days but now she just felt perturbed by the whole thing.

"Yo, Aneki. What's up? You look kind of pissed."

Taken out of her thoughts, she looked towards her younger brother, returning to her usual tone of voice,

"Oh, Rudolf. I'm not really angry, just a bit annoyed with something I'm thinking about."

Or rather, _someone_.

"Ohh? Well, I'm out of here then. Sorry, but I don't really want to get in the way of your thinking."

It was obvious he didn't really care. In fact, he probably only spoke to her while passing by out of reflex. Such was the usual pattern every day within that mansion. If they weren't arguing or something of that manner, everyone generally just offered small talk to one another.

As she watched him walk away, an idea struck her. 

"Rudolf, wait. Perhaps you can help me."

"Ehh? Sorry, Aneki, but I don't really want to get involved." Uninterested, be kept walking, but Eva followed up from behind him, stepping in front of him to cut off his path,

"You don't have to do anything. I just want your input on something."

"Oh, is that all?" He stuck one hand in his pocket, the other rubbing the back of his head. He was nonchalant in his response, but it was clear he still had no interest, "Well, I guess I can't just ignore my big sister. ...I don't have much of a choice, do I?" he chuckled before bringing his hand back down to rest by his side, "So, what's the problem?"

Eva grinned triumphantly to herself. Good. Getting him to actually listen was out of the way. Now to hopefully get what she actually wanted. She shrugged her shoulders, laughing a bit,

"It's stupid, really. I have these classmates who have been having a bit of drama lately, which I usually wouldn't care less about, but it's all they've been talking about. It's quite annoying listening to them when I'm trying to get work done, so I figured if I could give them some words from someone of the opposite gender, it might help them solve their problems and get them to stop whining about it in class."

All right. Good start.

"Oh? Is that so? Should've known it would be for your own self interest rather than you just wanting to help someone out."

He chuckled, receiving a "you're one to talk" before adding,

"Though, how about instead of words, you just let me meet them?~"

"That's exactly why I figured you'd be able to help, Rudolf. You get around and have slept with numerous girls, right?"

Surprisingly, he blushed a bit at the sudden accusation. He wasn't really expecting such a blunt statement on it. However, he quickly relaxed back into a suave manner,

"Huh?? Well, yeah, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Well, from what I've gathered, basically one of them tried sleeping with her boyfriend for the first time, but then they didn't and she's been avoiding him ever since because she's like, embarrassed or something. ...And I think...she might be worried about what he thinks? I don't know!"

Suddenly frustrated, she held her head. She swore, she never thought _she'd_ be the one getting headaches over this whole ridiculous-!

"Anyway. Nothing's going to get solved if she keeps avoiding him. I was wondering if you've ever dealt with any girls like this and if you have any idea how to handle it?"

"Hmm? 'Girls like that'...? Girls that avoid me....? Can't say I have. Girls run towards me, not away." He casually ran a hand through his hair, grinning calmly.

....That was it? That was all he had to say? Eva just stared at him blankly. What....a god damn waste of time!

".....Is that so?" Her voice dropped before rising again, "Well, thanks for absolutely nothing, Rudolf." She moved to walk around him.

"Ouch, Aneki. Alright, alright. Wait."

She stopped and looked back at him. He sighed before offering some type of an actual answer,

"....I don't know about them avoiding me afterwards, but I have dealt with blushing virgins—which, by the way, are the cutest girls to sleep with. So innocent-Ack!" He let out a pained voice as he was suddenly kicked in the shin. Hard.

"Get to the point."

"Tch. Anyway. ...They tend to be really shy and timid, so if they don't seem too sure, it's good to back off and give them some time. So, assuming he's an understanding guy—like me, of course—I'm sure that ******" 

She stopped listening to him. It really was turning out to be a waste of time for her particular situation. ....Or maybe not. However, one word he said did stick out in her mind.

 _Time_.

Thinking back on it, Eva thought she was giving Natsuhi plenty of time—always drawing back and asking her if she was ready whenever she gave signs of being uncomfortable. But thinking on it now.....she felt a slight pang of guilt.

....It was obvious she was nervous. More than someone really should've been in that situation. ....And Eva was aware of that even at the time it was happening.

' _Ahhh great. Thinking about it like that, it really does pin all the blame on me, doesn't it?_ '

Giving Rudolf an empty thanks, she went about wandering the halls, thinking back on her conversation with her brother. As his words rang in her mind, she thought back to the other night,

' _......That woman is more than just a 'blushing virgin'_.'

* * *

Look.

Wait.

Look again to be sure.

...............

Coast is clear.

Natsuhi realized how ridiculous she must have looked, but she didn't care. No matter what, she did NOT want to run into Eva. She knew it would be exhausting, but if she had to live the rest of her life like that, so be it. 

She almost ran into the nearest room to hide when she heard footsteps from around the corner but stopped when she heard it was just the voices of some servants. She let out a breath. 

....She couldn't keep doing this. It was ridiculous. ....But if she didn't keep this up, she'd eventually have to face her current fear. 

And there was no way she'd be doing that any time soon.

"Natsuhi-neesan?"

She nearly collapsed from a heart attack as a sharp sound escaped her mouth. 

**Run run run....!**

The voice in her head was screaming at her to just run. Yet, the part of her conscious that could actually think clearly realized that the voice from behind her had sounded way too young to be Eva's. She slowly turned around, her heart still racing,

"...R....Rosa-san.....?"

The youngest member of the family—by far the youngest—stood there looking up at the newest member. She tilted her head, hugging a stuffed animal, 

".....What are you doing?"

Such an innocent question.

Such simple question.

Why was it so hard to find an answer?

"Ah....that's....um......."

Natsuhi didn't want to come across as rude by not answering her—the poor girl already dealt with being treated poorly by her whole family—but she couldn't relax enough to give her decent conversation. If she stayed in one place for too long.....

 ".....??" The young girl had a very puzzled expression on her face. No surprise. Had the roles been reversed, Natsuhi would have been very confused too. After another moment though, Rosa suddenly beamed, seeming to have reached one of the only conclusions such a young child would be able to, "Are you playing hide and seek?"

"Huh?"

"You keep looking around like you're watching out for someone and you're not talking very loudly."

If such a young child could tell her strange behavior, how obvious was it to everyone else?!

Great. Absolutely great. Something else to add to the list of things to worry about.

That aside, she hated to admit how....accurate Rosa's conclusion was. Though if she had to name it, it would be more like "hide or die".

Looking at her, Natsuhi wondered if she could gain an ally for at least the day. ....The question was, could Rosa be trusted? 

....She was young enough to be innocent enough to not have any desire to backstab anyone, and she was old enough to understand promises. .....At least Natsuhi assumed she was. Then again, she was growing up as a member of the Ushiromiya family so maybe she had already learned how to be devious and whatnot.

.....Even so, Natsuhi felt no malice whenever she looked at the young girl, so she decided it would be okay to take that chance.

She knelt down so she could be more at eye level with her, and offered a kind smile as best she could,

"...That's right, Rosa-san, and it's very important that I don't get caught. So, if anyone's around and you know I'm nearby......could you do what you can to stall them?"

It would be suspicious to say just Eva. Besides, it would be better if no one stopped her after that. She was already pushing it standing around with Rosa. The mansion was big, but the odds of crossing paths were still way too high for comfort.

Rosa's face lit up, and she exclaimed happily, "Of course, Natsuhi-neesan! You can count on me!"

Natsuhi realized she must've been excited to actually be entrusted with something, but she tensed up, looking around yet again. Yelling that loudly would draw attention.

"Ahh, thank you Rosa-san, but could you quiet down a bit?"she held a finger up to her own mouth, gesturing for her to be silent, "We don't want to draw attention to where I am, remember?"

"Ah!" she immediately silenced herself and nodded her head, returning the same gesture, smiling brightly. Natsuhi returned the expression (or at least as best she could with all the stress she had built up for herself). It was honestly hard to believe such a sweet child was a member of the Ushiromiya family. Had they all been that kind at one point?

Suddenly, a realization struck Natsuhi. If Rosa actually did try to stop any of her family members—especially with no clear reasoning—........they were sure to get upset and chastise her.

Ahhh, she didn't think this through at all. But before she could even try and tell Rosa "never mind", she heard voices not too far off approaching closer to where they were. And one of them sounded like.....

She nearly fell over trying to get up from the position she was in. She whispered a quick "thank you" to Rosa before hurrying in the opposite direction of the voices. She felt horrible for asking such a favor of Rosa, knowing how everyone treated her, but she couldn't take it back now.

She apologized to her in her head even though she knew it would mean absolutely nothing. She felt guilty, but if Rosa actually did cover for her and got punished for it, at least it would only be for the one day....

* * *

Whether Rosa had actually covered for her or not, Natsuhi managed to not run into anyone else, excluding a couple of servants who did nothing more than bow to her as they passed by. After staying out for a while, she decided to finally retreat back to her room to "relax". Honestly, she had wanted to just stay in her room from the start, but she didn't want to draw any worry or suspicion by staying there the whole day.

It was fine the first couple of days, but after that she knew she had to start leaving again, and it had been the most stressful time of her life. Yet, she wondered if she could skip dinner as a family again....It wasn't like she had any appetite to eat anyway, and she'd only skipped it the one time the other day. Maybe it would be okay if she just said her headache was too bad again......

She tensed as there was a knock on her door.

"Natsuhi. It's me, Krauss."

While she should've been relieved it wasn't Eva, she felt her heart sink. Krauss was someone else she would have preferred to not come into contact with. Bracing herself, she took a deep breath and stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

".....Yes?"

She kept her eyes downcast. She couldn't look at him. She never could....

".....How are you feeling?"

It was a genuine question. ...Like everything he said when they were alone together was. But she just.... couldn't bring herself to accept it.

".....My head still hurts...."

Keep it short and to the point.

"....I'm sorry. ...Would you like me to bring you some medicine?"

"......No, thank you. I already have plenty in my room....."

"......Is that so?"

It was so awkward. So uncomfortable. Just walk away. Please, please...!

But he didn't. And so they both just stood there in silence, neither of them making an effort to do, well, anything. 

As usual.

Such a suffocating silence.

A newly wed couple, but it didn't feel anything like how Natsuhi had always imagined. It never had. They were still strangers. ....All of them were.

"Natsuhi."

She swallowed. His voice calling her name....never felt right. So unpleasant. Then again, lately she hated hearing anyone within that mansion calling for her....

She wanted to pretend she hadn't heard him. Just go back in her room. Pretend everything going on in her life was a dream. When she would wake up, she'd be off that island and back in her old life—not having to constantly worry about everything that was going on now.

....But that was nothing more than wishful thinking. This was her life now, as much as a mess that it was.

".......Yes?" Still not looking at him, she finally gave a response.

Opening his mouth to speak, he stopped himself. After a few hesitant moments he spoke again,

"......As you know, I have a business trip coming up, which means I'll be gone for a while. ...I was wondering.....if maybe before I leave, you'd like to try and spend a night together? ......"

She hated it. She hated it so much. She felt so stiff. It was hard to breathe. She had to answer, but......

She didn't want to......

She didn't want to spend a night with him. She didn't want to spend a night with anyone. It would just end up like always.....

"..........I'm sorry." A slight pause before adding, "...My headaches have been really bad this past week, and I've been having trouble sleeping because of them, so I'm really tired...."

It wasn't....entirely a lie. Her head had been hurting much more than usual due to.....well, everything, and she'd also been having a difficult time drifting off into a better temporary escape. But of course there was more than that to her decline.

".....I see. I understand. .....Perhaps we can try some time when I get back then."

She wanted to feel relieved, but instead she just felt guilty. So guilty......

"Dinner will be ready soon. Will you feel well enough to join us?"

There was no real hint of contempt within his voice. He sounded like he was genuinely concerned about whether she'd feel decent enough to eat dinner with the rest of them. ....Which only made her feel worse. For the most part, he'd been nothing but considerate towards her since the marriage, and yet.....

Despite how much she desperately wanted to stay in her room for the rest of the day, she figured....maybe it would be better to eat with everyone. It would only be like an hour at the most......

"....Yes, I believe I'll be....." a pause. An hour.....An hour way too many! She didn't want to..... _She didn't want to...!_ This whole conversation just made her feel even more tense than she already had, and she didn't want to be around _either_ of those people. She had been trying so hard to forget about the other night. She wanted to erase it from her memory, but it _just kept coming back_ , and now the moment she was in right now—Ahhh her head was killing her.

"....Actually, I'm not sure...." her voice was quiet as she spoke, eyes looking towards the ground, "I think...." she bit her lip (thankfully it wasn't bruised anymore),"....I think I might just need to rest." she murmured an apology at the end, gripping her shirt tightly.

He was silent before replying, "That's fine. Don't worry about it. ...Are you sure you don't want me to bring you some more medicine?"

"....That's alright. As I said, I already have plenty, thank you."

His offer was so considerate. But the atmosphere was still so uncomfortable.....

* * *

A little while later there was another knock on her door. Given the time, she figured it was a servant coming to let her know dinner would be ready soon. Krauss probably hadn't gotten the chance to tell them that she wasn't going to attend, so she released a sigh and walked over to let them know she wouldn't be going but to politely thank them for coming to get her.

Turning the doorknob, she begin to open the door but immediately tried to slam it shut, face burning. But it wouldn't shut, a strong force pushing from the other side,

"Hey-! D...Don't slam the door on me!! Natsuhi-neesan!" Eva's voice rang out as she pushed all her weight onto the door—the barrier that needed to stay up! Likewise, Natushi was pushing with all her might—she had to keep the demons away....! Her mind was hazy—her thoughts a mess,

' _Why?! Eva-san.....here.....door.....!!!!_ '

Through all the scrambled up words floating around in her head, she focused in on one thought and could only think of her current goal in mind: get the damn door shut and locked. 

Meanwhile, on just the other side, Eva was trying to get it opened enough to slip in. ....Surprisingly, it was actually proving to be much more difficult than she ever imagined such a scenario would be,

' _What the hell is this?! Adrenaline?? She's pushing so hard!_ '

"Natsuhi-neesan! This is-! Open this door!" a sudden thrust on one side.

"No!! ....Go....Go away...!" a thrust accompanied on the other. She was just a bundle of grace lately. She had yelled those words loud enough for the intended person to hear, but it was obvious her voice was still holding back. No doubt to try and not draw any attention if anyone was nearby. How ridiculous.

Though Eva did have reason to worry about that as well. It may have been through forged examples, but she had offered a lot of information to Rudolf earlier in the day. He wasn't stupid. If he just so happened to walk by and see the scene taking place in that same day, he'd probably be able to connect the dots. ....Aggravating.

"Natsuhi-neesan! You're making a scene! What if someone comes by?"

Place that fear in her so she'd have a moment of hesitation and the gap for opportunity would open...!

"Then please go away, so I can shut the door!"

Plan failed.

They continued on like that for a while longer, but eventually it was easy to tell that the resistance was weakening. So, little Natsuhi wasn't so strong after all and was running out of stamina. Eva grinned. Lucky her. Just a little bit more....

A sudden push and Natsuhi stumbled back, the door flying open.

Go, _go_ , **_go!_**

No, _no_ , _**no!**_

And, at that point, the result of the battle was already determined. As Eva stepped in shutting the door behind her and locking it, panic rose.

Door closed: check.

Door locked: check.

.....But she couldn't have been further from the goal if she tried!

"...Well, that was certainly a hassle." she casually ran a hand through her hair, calmly fixing any loose strands.

"G....Get out....!" Did her voice just crack? Dammit, that would do her no good. It was already clear which one of them had the upper hand.

"...And such a warm welcome. Nothing like the one I gave you the other night-"

"Ah! D...Don't!"

' _Don't talk about it don't talk about it!_ '

"...'Don't'? ....'Don't' what? You really have to start being more specific when you speak, Neesan...." 

A laugh. A laugh that Natsuhi could only hear as cruel. Why _why?_ She couldn't breathe. What a horrible situation. She didn't think Eva would actually come to her like that. What a foolish thought that had been, and as a result she had let her guard down. Thinking back on it, she should have realized it had been strange when no call came declaring who was on the other side when knocking on her door. ...And she had just opened the door with no hesitation....! What an idiot she was!

Rather than offering any answer to her question, Natsuhi repeated what she'd already said,

"Get out....!" Her voice didn't crack that time, but it was still obvious how incredibly nervous she was....

A short silence dropped between them, and she could _feel_ Eva just staring at her. Uncomfortable..... _Uncomfortable_..... Why did she always have to stare at her with those piercing eyes....?

Unable to look at her, Natsuhi had no idea what type of expression she was wearing on her face. ....Though, if any of their past interactions were anything to go by, it was amused and smug.

And that was exactly what it was. Eva would be lying if she said she hadn't missed seeing the woman before her getting so easily flustered. ...Especially because of her. 

But that was besides the point at the moment. Her eyes landed somewhere behind the other woman, a plan quickly forming in her head.

Such a....cruel, cruel plan.

A sly grin forming on her face, she responded to the demand and started to walk forward,

"....I don't want to?"

Bad sign.....bad sign _bad sign!_ Natsuhi immediately started backing away, panic evident in her voice, but still keeping it low enough so it wouldn't possibly echo through the door,

"W- what are you doing?!"

Still approaching, "We need to talk...Natsuhi-neesan...." 

Still retreating, "N...We don't need to talk...!"

' _I don't want to...!_ '

"Why are you running away?" she cocked her head, chuckling a bit.

"Because....because you're....!" _She was coming way too close...!_ "Ah.....S-stay away....!"

"Natsuhi-neesan...." she started to reach out....Wait....That was..... _That was_ -

"D...Don't touch m-ah?!"

She felt her legs come into contact with something and lost her balance, falling backwards. Expecting it to hurt, she was surprised when she was met with a soft landing. ...Well, that was good. Her head hadn't hit anything hard, but what? Her mind was struggling to catch up. Okay. She fell down....Her bed was behind her....Oh, of course. That was what tripped her in the first place. Okay, now she had to....to.....Wait.....Ahhh, wait _wait_ **_wait!_ _Too late!_** She realized **way too late!**

Her hands shot up, gripping shoulders tightly— _so tightly_. When had she climbed on top of her, straddling her, placing both hands on the bed by both sides of her head...?!

Staring up at the other woman, Natsuhi opened her mouth, but no words came out. Was she breathing? She couldn't tell. Ahh, her chest felt so restricted. She was...about to die.....

After a short moment of silence, Eva's mouth curved upwards yet again. How wonderful it was whenever the woman currently beneath her actually graced her with eye contact. Upon moving her head closer to the others, she felt even more force applied into the grip. Grin still on her face, she tilted her head to the side, and spoke in a low voice,

"Ohh...? Well, isn't this familiar."

Face burning, Natsuhi jerked her head to the side, screwing her eyes shut. There went the eye contact. She was so....stiff. And it was easy to see—to feel—just how hard she was shaking. Studying her, Eva's grin dropped down into a frown before coming back, though not as strong,

"......Why are you so nervous?"

It was in her nature to constantly have a teasing tone, but she did try (at least a little bit) to make the question sound genuine. However, rather than receiving an answer, all it accomplished was the turning of a head even more into the mattress,

"I....I'm not....I'm not....." it was such a low murmur, barely even audible. Eva doubted Natsuhi herself realized she was even saying it, and it sounded more as though she were trying to convince herself.... Even if she did try to form a full sentence, it probably wouldn't be anything coherent.

"Relax, Neesan. ...It's not like I'm actually going to do anything. I just want to talk, okay?" Despite laughing a bit, she tried to reassure her. ....But she was giving no sign of actually hearing it. ...? Was her mind really that blank at the moment or was she simply ignoring her? Eva sighed to herself before leaning down more to whisper—so sickly sweet—into the exposed ear,

"Natsuhi-ne~esan."

"Ah! .....!" Her body jumped at the sudden action. Biting her lip to keep her voice down after the initial shock, she threw her head roughly to the other side to keep her ear out of reach. ....An expected reaction. And a humorous one, honestly. Clearly, Natsuhi didn't think that action through. Eva could just talk to her through her other ear now.

"Hey..." such a low, low voice, "Did you know? Your ears. They're so red right now...." such hot, hot breath as she spoke and blew lightly onto it. And then directly into it.

"ahh...! ....mm...mm.....st....o......!"

"Oh...? Are you finally listening?" she giggled, letting her tongue peek out to lick the earlobe.

"Nn-! W- _What...?!_ " It came out as somewhat of a frustrated hiss, ...and then, "....What....what do you want.....?" a choked sob. Was she....crying? Ahh, great. Eva should've known that would happen. She guessed she went to far.... She drew back to give some relief to her before speaking,

"I already told you. ...I want to talk."

Talk. _Talk?_

"Then.....then why......such a......"

_Why such a position?!_

She still had her head tossed to the side, buried into her bed a far as she could at the current angle, and her hands still remained on Eva's shoulders. .....Though really it did her no good, as she didn't feel any strength to actually push her away.

"So that you can't get away. ....Neesan. You've been avoiding me all week."

Her finger twitched, "....No.....No, I....."

"Hmm? Oh, please tell me you're not going to try and deny it? It's so obvious. Honestly, you're lucky anyone else who may have seen you turn the other way when I'm around would probably just think it's because we're not on...." a slight pause, before finishing with a laugh, "the best of terms." Eva could've sworn the damn woman somehow tensed up even more, ".......So, why have you been avoiding me?"

_Don't give in. Don't give in. If she gave in, she'd break._

"I.....I haven't been.....avoiding......"

She tried to swallow, but it was as hard as ever. It they kept going like that, she'd-

"You're still trying to deny it? Neesan....." closing her eyes momentarily, Eva let out a breath, ".....You're not trying to forget about the other night, are you?"

_'Other night....Other night.......? No......No, no, no! Don't talk about it! Please please, ahhhh....!'_

"That's! ...I....I don't know what....."

What a joke. Natsuhi herself knew how pathetic she must've looked, trying to act like..... She pursed her lips shut, more tears escaping her eyes. She wanted to forget. It was the smarter thing to do. Just forget about all of it.

But no matter how hard she tried, they just kept coming back. The memories would disappear for a time but then she'd see Eva in the halls. Or hear her voice. Or feel her eyes on her at dinner. And all the memories just came rushing back all at once.

And she hated it. She wanted to forget. She wanted to forget so much. It would just make everything so much easier. But Eva.....Eva.....she actually came to her. She wasn't going to let her forget. Natsuhi should've known—No. She did know. She knew from the start. Asking for such a favor from such a person.....it was literally a deal with the devil.

".....So, you are." Eva answered her own question, "...Neesan...You can't just pretend it never happened."

She could if Eva would just leave. She could......She could.....She couldn't.....She knew that. Eva was right. But Natsuhi still.....just stayed silent. Looking down at her, the older woman sighed. Such a one sided conversation wasn't going to get them anywhere. She really had just planned on coming to talk—to try and resolve their little situation. She hadn't planned from the beginning to end up in bed (in any manner), but her cruel impulse compelled her to. And now she probably just made things worse. So irritating. ...But it was just... _so easy to be mean to the woman beneath her sometimes...._ But doing something like this.... 

She moved to sit on the side of the bed, freeing the trembling mess. Natsuhi, surprised and a few tear streaks evident on her face, looked over at her. There was a brief silence before Eva finally spoke, no malice whatsoever in her voice,

"....I thought this the other night, but now I'm sure. Natsuhi-neesan....You're not ready to have sex, are you?"

Eyes wide and a small gasp. ...What a dead giveaway. However, rather than a denial or a confession, Natsuhi suddenly roughly rolled over to face away, curling up into a fetal position. ...And the response she gave was...not one Eva was expecting,

"....It's....It's not...a matter of if I'm ready or not....." Swallow. Throat hurts, ".....I just...have to know......so that I can have a child....."

Her voice was shaking with every word. Unbelievable. The stress put on her by Kinzo to provide a future heir surely was part of the reason. ...But only a small part. ...A very small part. Seriously, what a weak excuse.

" _Huh?_ You're not making much sense. ....You're making it sound like you still want to know.... But you've been running away from it."

_'From me.'_

"Because....Because....."

Heart beating fast....Or not at all....? She couldn't tell she couldn't tell....The feeling of a suffocating silence took over her again, and she couldn't take it. Another moment passed before Eva released yet another sigh and said what she'd come to say in the first place,

"...Listen, Natsuhi-neesan. I...." A pause. Another breath, "I'm sorry."

".....What?" she turned to look at her. 'What?' truly was the only thing Natsuhi could think to say. Why was Eva apologizing.....when she was the one being difficult.....?

Seeing the confused expression on her face, Eva continued,

"The other night.....was too soon, right? ...I shouldn't have put you in a position where you felt like you had to be ready to do anything.... You need more time, right?"

Such an....understanding voice.... So soft... So gentle.... _Don't blindly believe it....._ Nothing good would come of it..... It was _Eva._ Eva, who humiliated her every chance she got. Eva, who constantly reminded her of her status in the family. Eva, who made her opinion clear to everyone. Eva....who had such a warm touch and soft lips.... Who was so understanding and considerate despite all her harsh nature.... Already torn with so many conflicting feelings at once, Natsuhi's breath caught in her throat when the next words Eva spoke reached her ears,

"...Do you want to call the deal off?"

...Call it off...? Wasn't that what she had wanted for the past week? Call it off and they'd both just forget any of it ever even happened. It was what she had wanted so desperately. It was great! She could finally get her life back to semi-normal. Wasn't that what she wanted...?!

...But then her mind drifted back to Krauss. ...He wanted to spend a night together....But of course, she turned him down. What was it he said after that....? Maybe they "could try some time when he got back" .....? Oh, right. He would be going on his trip soon, and he would be gone for a while..... Quite a while. If she could be ready by the time he came back.....It would make everything so much easier.

...But then her mind drifted back to the other night..... And Eva..... She shook her head.

_'No. ....It's for Krauss-san.... It's for him.... It's for him.....'_

She took as deep a breath as she could, clutching the fabric on her chest, and spoke out, still trembling,

"......No. ...I don't...."

"...You don't sound too sure...."

"..........."

She....really wasn't.... Her head was killing her. How much medicine had she taken recently? Not enough, that's for sure.

Looking at her for another moment, Eva spoke, finally reverting a bit back to her usual tone,

"Hmm? Well, alright. ....You don't have to answer that yet. It's better to think something through than to rush into it, and you look like you definitely need to do that." She paused before adding with a laugh, "You stare at doors while doing that, right? It's okay, it's okay. I _know_."

She just had to keep bringing that up, didn't she? Such a teasing remark. Such a considerate response. How did she constantly mix the two together? Still remaining silent, Natsuhi felt Eva rise from the bed,

"Well, just let me know if you decide you do still," she looked back at the woman still curled up on the bed and giggled, "....want my services."

She started walking towards the door, but stopped. It looked like she wanted to say something else, but when she opened her mouth, she lightly shook her head to herself and closed it. And so she resumed her steps to leave, deciding to simply say, "I'll see you later." before opening the door and closing it behind her.

And then the room was met with silence, yet again. Only the ticking of the clock could be heard. Had they been that loud the whole time? Only when left alone like she was, could Natsuhi concentrate on the constant, fixed sound within her room. Time was still moving forward.....It was always moving forward......

Time......

Natsuhi definitely didn't go to dinner that night.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this monstrosity? I updated? What a miracle. Lol, remember how in the end of the last chapter I was all like, "I already have a good idea of what I'm gonna do next, so hopefully I won't take that long ;D" ?? Well, we all see how that turned out. So, I finally got motivation to work on this again and I've been writing it on and off for like the last couple of weeks. Got some time with all the siblings this time. Like, legit though, if Ryukishi07 ever made a spin-off of the adults when they were younger, I would read the hell out of it. Thanks to the people who actually gave me comments and kudos and whatnot T-T You all the real MVPs. Btw, someone on FF mentioned something about it, so I'm gonna answer it here in the note: The main reason I keep the honorifics is mostly because that's just how I'm used to the characters referring to one another (and even the official translations keep them, so lol), but it's also because they can say something about the relationships people have with others. Anyway, again: long chapter. Who the hell knows when I'll update again. I still have to update my other stories too (writing is hard and time consuming, never get into it). Also, I really need to go back and edit the first 2 chapters. So many typos, ugh. (but editing takes so much time). No editing. We upload our first drafts like men. (I hope people get that meme).


	4. Chapter 4

A few days passed and Natsuhi had continued keeping to herself, staying away from everyone if she could help it. Dinners were horrible and her sleeping schedule was deteriorating more and more with each night. She hoped that wasn't too obvious to anyone who may have looked at her.... 

It was tiring. So tiring. She felt exhausted and found herself constantly zoning out, unable to focus on anything around her. If she just went through the motions every day before, now it was ridiculous. 

Every moment of every day dragged on yet at the same time it went by in a flash. Before she knew it, the day arrived when Krauss was leaving. Aside from a few interactions here and there, they hadn't spoken to each other much at all. 

...Nothing new. However, due to everything going on, it seemed worse than usual, and as she bid him farewell before he left she gripped her arm tightly and stared off into the distance, not focusing on anything in particular.

It was her own fault their whole "relationship" (if you could even call it that) was going so poorly. ...Or at least, that's how she felt. She could barely bring herself to talk to him without feeling anxious. How were they ever going to be able to do anything together?

And then there was the whole affair with Eva. Natsuhi was still trying to come to terms with how she managed to create this whole mess herself. Such a horrible mess. Honestly, what was she going to do? She'd barely spoken to her within the last few days either. That was definitely no surprise though. After their last interaction and everything before, Natsuhi found it becoming increasingly more difficult to even attend meals since it meant being near the damn woman. No doubt Eva realized that and found it incredibly amusing.

Yet, despite believing that, Natsuhi couldn't deny that Eva seemed to have been keeping her distance as well. Probably to make her more paranoid. It wasn't unlikely that Eva was purposely staying back so Natsuhi would drop her guard. That's how it was on the first day this whole damn situation started.

...And yet, it was possible that Eva really was just being considerate and giving her time and space to think about what she wanted to do. It was possible... She'd made it clear she was fine with waiting and giving Natsuhi time to think about it.

...Of course, she still kind of joked her about it, but it was clear she was being genuine. Natsuhi held her head. It was like Eva was well aware of how serious the whole thing was yet it felt like she was still treating it like a game. 

That really wasn't surprising at all though, but the more she thought about it, the more aggravated Natsuhi felt herself becoming. She was struggling every moment to try and figure out what she wanted to do while Eva just seemed to laugh about it every single time they conversed.

It was so irritating, and her lack of sleep wasn't helping at all. If she weren't so busy zoning out all the time, she'd probably be snapping and taking her frustration out on anyone and anything, which wouldn't be good at all considering her position and everything. 

So, she supposed that perhaps the fact that she kept zoning out was actually a blessing in disguise, but that didn't make it any better.

Still holding her head, Natsuhi sighed as she continued walking through the halls. Where to? Hell if she knew. Maybe the parlor... No. That would just bring back memories and other people would most likely be there. She couldn't even imagine trying to fake being okay enough to talk to anyone.

The rose garden was an option. Maybe taking a stroll outside with fresh air and beautiful flowers surrounding the area would help her feel better. ...But the more she thought about it, the more she just didn't even feel like doing that.

So, that left... her room. Again. Wonderful. Her options were already limited and there she was about to give in to the same place she'd been running to for more than a week. Well, she supposed that maybe she could try and take a much needed nap.

...She already knew she wouldn't be able to get any sleep though. Releasing another sigh, she started heading towards her room but stopped when she heard voices nearby, around a corner. She felt herself tense up. One of the voices was Eva's and she sounded...perturbed?

Well. ...Natsuhi was already planning on staying away when recognizing the voice, but now she knew to definitely not go anywhere near where it was coming from. Eva was hard enough to deal with when she was in a "good" mood, but when she was upset about anything the cruelty in her personality tended to really come through.

And that was something Natsuhi would _really_ prefer not to be subjected to at the moment (or ever, honestly).

Resuming her footsteps, she hurriedly started walking down the hallway in the opposite direction. While her mind was focused on simply reaching her destination, she couldn't block out the conversation just a short distance away. The owner of the other voice sounded young and was quietly apologizing. ...Rosa? The poor girl was probably being yelled at for no real good reason yet again.

Although Natsuhi felt great sympathy for her, she figured it would be better not to try and intervene. She'd probably just make the whole situation worse and she really wasn't in any state to try and go to the girl's rescue anyway. Or, at least that's how she felt until she heard Eva saying something about "the third time this week". ...What was? Thinking about what in the world could be causing the issue between the two, Natsuhi halted her steps and immediately felt her heart sink.

...There was no way... Rosa was still... _The promise!_ She never did tell her not to worry about it anymore, and Rosa had been keeping it the whole time?! That wasn't good. Not at all. Did that mean she'd been getting chastised more than usual lately? All because of her own selfish request...?

Wait. No. There was no way to tell if that really was the reason why. ...It could have been because of something else completely unrelated. She should have just kept walking. Go to her room. Don't get involved. Eva was there. Even if she did walk around the corner to help Rosa, how would she explain anything? And if it wasn't even because of what she feared it might have been....

.............

Leave or stay, leave or stay....? So frustrating. So _frustrating!_ She bit her lip and tightly closed her eyes, bringing about a stinging sensation. ...So tired. ...Just give in and go. ...Just...

In an attempt to brace herself, she inhaled quickly and turned around to move towards the two people around the corner.

_'Turn back around... Just turn back around...'_ Her thoughts just wouldn't agree with her actions even though she so desperately wanted them to, and as she rounded the barrier protecting her from coming into contact with the person she was trying to avoid...she realized she truly was making such a foolish mistake.

Immediately noticing someone coming into sight, Eva looked up from Rosa whom she'd been scowling at. Upon seeing who it was, her facial expression barely changed at all,

"Oh. ...It's you."

...Ahh, wonderful. So, she really wasn't in a good mood. Natsuhi wondered if she should just give a short greeting and keep walking, passing it off as a chance encounter while roaming the halls, but she felt somewhat frozen in place.

Before Natsuhi could open her mouth to try and give a response, Rosa turned around to see who had come along and halted the lecture she'd been receiving. 

When she saw who it was, relief seemed to wash over the child's face due to no longer being alone with her sister, yet there was also a hint of confusion and worry.

...Seeing that expression caused a wave of guilt to pass through Natsuhi and she unconsciously bit her lip.

"Ah, Natsuhi-neesan!" the young girl exclaimed before quickly covering her mouth. She glanced in the direction of her sister behind her before turning her attention back to the other figure, her voice dropping to a whisper, "What are you doing here? Couldn't you hear us?"

And with those words, Natsuhi felt her heart stop. The fear had been confirmed, but more than that.... She looked across from her, panic written on her face, at Eva who was staring back. Though she'd been glaring before, she now wore a puzzled look, returning her gaze to the girl between them,

"...Why are you asking her that, Rosa?"

Bad.

Really, really bad.

There was absolutely no doubt that whatever was going to happen next wasn't going to be good, and Natsuhi felt herself tense up as she realized she truly hadn't thought things through. ...Again. She seemed to be having that problem a lot lately.

"Oh, well, um...." Rosa was obviously struggling to find what to say when she realized her whispering had reached more than the person it was intended to. She looked at Natsuhi, searching for an answer, but the older woman was at just as much of a loss for words.

Mind blank... Her mind was so blank. What was she supposed to say? Something....Anything.... Just get out of that awkward silence...!

"It... It's nothing." 

...She wanted to slap herself. Such a dumb answer. Not even an answer at all. It was a statement that only succeeded in making it obvious that it was _something_. Nevertheless, she knew she couldn't just leave it at that _—_ there was no way she'd be that lucky _—_ and Natsuhi tried to continue after swallowing,

"Please don't worry about-"

"Do you think I'm stupid?" Eva cut her off with a biting voice. Taken aback, Natsuhi visibly flinched,

"Ah...N...No... That's not...." Unable to say any actual complete thought, her voice faded and she pursed her lips shut, staring at the ground.

Seeing that reaction, Eva released a breath and briefly glanced to the side before focusing on the two people in front of her again. After a short silence, she spoke, her usual tone of voice returning,

"Well, it's obvious you two are hiding something." Irritation still lingered in her voice, but she grinned all the same, "...What is it, I wonder?"

Silence reigned for but a moment before Natsuhi opened her mouth to speak,

"We aren't hiding-"

"Rosa." Eva looked down at said person as she deliberately ignored the third member of the conversation. As Rosa looked up at her, a look of worry crossed the girl's face. She knew that tone of voice well. So sweet sounding but so fake. A voice that clearly spoke 'do what I say or else'.

"Natsuhi-neesan's being mean and won't tell me, but you will...right?"

She titled her head and smiled, Rosa shuddering the slightest bit.

...What the hell? Seriously? Using intimidation like that on someone so young was...so cruel, and the timid look on Natsuhi's face transformed into one of disbelief. Infuriation rose up within her (ahh, no good. She felt herself starting to snap...),

"Eva-san, is that really necessary? I told you it's-"

"Was I talking to you?"

A sharp interruption cutting in like a blade. The same smile dripping with fake sweetness. The same anxious feeling returning immediately, but being blocked out by the slight feeling of anger. Such a series of events occurred all at once, and Natsuhi's mouth hung open for a moment, no words coming out, until she found her voice again,

"Y...The topic of the conversation involves both of us and...and..."

Ah. Her choice of words weren't exactly the best...She should've chosen something else to say, and yet...

Eva cocked her head, raising an eyebrow, "...And?"

So irritating...So irritating _so irritating_...!

"And not you!"

It came out so much harsher than she meant for it to. But she felt herself being pushed more and more, and just couldn't stop herself from lashing out in her response. However, there was no denying that even as the words left her mouth one by one, she knew she was going to regret it. The silence dragged on for another moment before Eva finally spoke back, her tone incredibly low,

"...Hoh... Natsuhi-neesan... Just who do you think you're talking to like that...?"

"...What do you...?"

"You have no crest on your clothes. You're not permitted to. You're just going to talk to the third in rank member like that? Shut up."

.....

What?

What, _what,_ **_what?_**

That can't be....Huh...? Why....Even after...all the consideration and knowing how torn she was over everything, Eva still...had that attitude right then at that moment...? It wasn’t…really surprising that she did but….Natsuhi just thought that maybe…she wouldn’t have brought something like that up….at least for a while…

Biting her lip, Natsuhi could do nothing but stand down, clenching the fabric at the bottom of her shirt. Eva had a harsh expression when she had said those words, but now she was...smiling? 

Tightening her grip, Natsuhi felt herself growing more than just hurt. So frustrated. So tired. So angry. Why was everything hitting her at once? It was so uncalled for. Eva often treating her like she didn't even have a right to certain actions. ...Yet, so kind....So kind....

Was this...whole thing really okay...?

Seeing the other woman stunned into silence, Eva turned her attention back to the girl between them,

"Rosa."

Understanding the obvious tense atmosphere, Rosa stiffened when she heard her name called yet again, but made sure to respond so it would be known she was listening.

"Tell me. What are you two hiding?"

"Umm..." Her voice faded out as she was unsure of what to do. She was stuck between obeying like she usually should and keeping a promise she felt was important to. However, when she looked at the other member of the group and saw she was making no move to intervene anymore, Rosa answered quietly,

"Well... Natsuhi-neesan... told me that if I knew she was nearby and anyone was coming... to do what I can to keep them from finding her...."

This was...not going to be good.

Eva was silent for a moment with a slightly surprised look on her face before it transformed into a grin,

"Is that so?" she asked as she focused her sight straight ahead. Natsuhi didn't take her eyes off the floor. 

Dammit. It was so clear Eva had a complete grasp on the situation. Dammit. DAMMIT.

Natsuhi tightened her grip even more. She heard Eva laugh, which just made her frustration rise,

"Well, that certainly explains a lot about this past week. Rosa. You did good to keep your promise to our _dear_ newest family member. ...But the game is over now. Don't worry about it anymore."

It wasn't a request or a mutual agreement or anything else along those lines. It was a demand and one that she decided herself. Rosa looked a bit unsure as to what to say but inevitably obeyed and nodded,

"Y...Yes, I understand...."

And with that Eva told her to run along leaving the two alone in the hallway. 

Just walk away. Natsuhi knew she should've just walked away. Being alone together like this and after being found out...She should've never walked towards them to begin with. What an...idiotic move it had been.

"...So, what was that you said before about how you 'weren't avoiding' me?"

She laughed as that question left her mouth. Natsuhi felt her face darken as she tightly kneaded her fingers into the fabric of her shirt once more before willing herself to release them. She took a breath and raised her line of sight to look directly at the other woman.

Surprising.

"...Are you satisfied?"

She more or less spat the words out, spite evident in her voice. Eva raised a brow to that, grinning, and quickly responded,

"Huh? 'Satisfied'? Whatever are you talking about?"

Natsuhi grit her teeth and Eva looked to the side as she pretended to ponder what the answer could possibly be,

"Ohh, are you talking how I won at your little game of hide and seek?" she giggled, "A little old to be playing that, aren't we?"

Natsuhi felt her face heat up but any feelings of embarrassment she had were blocked out by an underlying fury and she just glared as she looked to the side,

"It wasn't-"

"Oh wait. Do I get any reward for winning? I mean, there has to be one, right? After all, to my understanding, this has been going on for quite a while now, right?"

"...What could you possibly want?"

"...Hmm? Nothing. ...Your reaction right now is reward enough."

Natsuhi bit her lip _—_ hard, so hard _—_ and was back to gripping her shirt. It was so frustrating. So frustrating! So aggravating! ...So uncomfortable. Dammit...Dammit....

"I'm also surprised you went so far as to involve Rosa. She's a pretty naive child you know. To take advantage of her like that. Surely you must have known-"

"Please excuse me."

A sudden interruption cut through as Natsuhi couldn't take it anymore. She didn't need this. Ahh, how easy it was. To just walk away. She should have done so before. ...Way before. What felt like so long ago.

She turned around to leave and started walking away in a hurried manner but of course just walking away was never an option.

"Hey, wait-"

Eva's voice called out along with her hand reaching forward and fingers circling around a frail wrist.

Ah, don't do that, don't do that, don't-

"Please don't touch me!"

Natsuhi yelled as she roughly yanked her hand out of the light hold.

She froze in her steps, no longer trying to walk away, and, while still facing away from the other woman, stared at...the ground? No. Nothing. Nothing in particular. Her mind felt so hazy and she just wanted everything to stop. 

Stop. Stop. Dammit, her throat was closing up.

Eva was silent and let her hand drop back down to her side. 

Natsuhi's reaction wasn't exactly unexpected but something about it caused Eva's entire attitude to change as she glanced to the side in what seemed to be a bit of deep thought.

She opened her mouth but closed it again. It was only after another moment of silence when her voice found words,

"...Natsuhi-neesan. ....I'm sorry."

Natsuhi blinked a couple of times before she slowly looked back over her shoulder,

"...You're...what...?"

Had she heard right? As doubt filled her head, Eva spoke up again,

"The other day. ..." She stopped for a brief moment before taking another breath and releasing it as a sigh, "...When I...pushed you down onto your bed...I shouldn't have done any of that. I really did only want to talk to you but then I wanted to tease you a bit but I took it too far."

Why? It was a genuine apology and one she didn't realize she may have needed but something felt wrong. Something in the back of her mind that she couldn't figure out. Natsuhi turned to face her directly and remained quiet for a moment,

"....It's fine...."

What was it? Why did she feel like she was upset about the apology? It made no sense.

"If it were fine I wouldn't be apologizing, would I?" Back to her usual laughing tone.

No, wait. There was more than one thing upsetting her. And as time went on, she was starting to understand what they were.

"...You're right. ....Thank you."

One was the fact that...it seemed to have come out of nowhere yet...had it been bothering Eva all that time? If that were the case it just made things even worse. 

Stop...being so considerate....

It made it...more and more difficult to decide what to do....

But also, as her words of thanks left her mouth, she realized something else. Her eyes fell, lingering for a bit on the symbol on Eva's shirt before returning her gaze to the ground once more.

It wasn't what she had wanted an apology for.

* * *

The sound of her clock was annoyingly loud. Or at least, louder than it should have been. But then again, Natsuhi knew it just sounded that way to her at the moment. Could barely get any sleep....

She had her face buried in her knees as she hugged them close to her chest. That was in favor of her usual pacing around her room. She was too tired for that.

The clock was so loud. Really, she considered just turning it off but it would do her no good if she didn't know the time. What time was it right now anyway...?

So tired....so tired....so restless.

She took a deep breath and shakily released it. Her mind was so full of incoherent thoughts. What to do, what to do....

She wanted to stop _—_ she _should_ stop _—_ but Krauss....Krauss....She couldn't....No. No, she had to. And Eva....Eva....

It could....work....with some conditions.... She could handle it, just....

Natsuhi raised her head and stared at her door, the sound of the clock still ringing in her ears. 

.......

She slowly rose from her bed and headed towards leaving her room.

* * *

As Natsuhi raised her hand to knock, she immediately lowered it back down. Showing up unannounced like that...What if Eva was sleeping? Or studying? Then this whole visit would end up being a bother and probably only result in more problems between them. 

But the mansion was so dark at night and Natsuhi could see light shining through the bottom of the door. Well, while it was possible Eva could have dozed off at some point, her studying was the far more likely candidate. 

Either way, she'd be annoyed if she were interrupted and rightfully so. This wasn't a planned trip. Eva wasn't aware of it well in advance. Anyone would be upset by something like that.

Even so....

She straightened her posture and took another deep breath. Standing around like that wasn't good. What if someone came by...? Of course, it was quite late so the odds of that happening were low but still not impossible. And besides that....

If she ran away now she'd get nowhere. Nowhere....nowhere....She had to keep telling herself that. Come on.... Come on....

She took another breath but failed to release it as her hand met a hard surface a couple of times, the sound ringing in her ears.

After a moment passed and there was no response, she began to worry she hadn't knocked loud enough. However, as she was about to repeat the action the door creaked opened. And she had...to make sure not to lose herself and run away.

"....Natsuhi-neesa-?"

Before the call of her name could even be completed, Natsuhi rushed in, pushing past the other woman who had a bewildered look on her face. Just go. Don't think too much. Not yet. Not now. Take deep breaths but don't make it too obvious. If it's too obvious,  she'll laugh....or maybe try to be kind. Either way, it would be...irritating.

Remaining silent for a moment, Eva watched her before closing the door and locking it. Locked in....Dammit, dammit, don't turn back. So aggravating.

Speaking of which, don't let her get the first word. Stop the remark before it happens. With that thought on her mind, Natsuhi took another breath, it just barely catching in her throat, spun around, and spoke before the other member of the room even had a chance to say anything,

"If I interrupted anything, I'm sorry."

It came out in a clear, yet almost resentful kind of tone. That wasn't supposed to happen. Great. Already off to a bad start. Ah. She could barely swallow without it hurting.

Eva just stared at her at first, not saying anything. However, a grin quickly rose to her face as she laughed in her response,

"....I wasn't really doing anything in particular. Don't worry about it."

It hurt, it hurt. 

"I...Is that so?"

She could already feel herself losing her resolve. Way too fast, way too fast. She opened her mouth but closed it again, biting her lip and looking to the side. Where were the words she needed...?

"...Well," Eva's voice caught her attention, "You obviously came here for something. So. ...What is it?"

Natsuhi glanced towards her long enough to see that damn expression she always wore. Wasn't it obvious what she was there for? Ah, but wait, there were still many different possibilities as to what it actually was so she supposed she really couldn't get angry at the question. So frustrating.

"...I...need to talk to you...."

"Ohh? Whatever could it be, I wonder? ...And so late at night?" 

The insinuation behind those words wasn't subtle at all and Natsuhi could only glare off to the side as her face darkened yet heated up the slightest bit at the same time before she could find her voice to speak again,

"...What else could it possibly be about except...." she trailed off, her mouth hanging open to try and finish her sentence. Eva tilted her head,

"Except...?"

Her face felt hot. Why was this so difficult? If she could just say what she needed to....She could just leave it at that for the night and leave to worry about what would happen next later. But she had to say what she came to say first....

"....." She took a deep breath again and spoke, quietly, "....our....deal...."

"...Yes, what about it?"

"I...I wanted to talk about it..."

She wanted to smack herself. That was already clear. Now she was just being redundant. 

"...Yes? I got that. It might help if you give some specifics."

A laugh.

Dammit. 

She knew that. She knew she had be more specific. Just...breathe. Breathe....

"...A...As you know, we...talked about it the other day...."

"I do recall such a conversation, though I believe it was more so me who was doing all the talking."

Really? Why did she have to be like that  _right now?_ It was already so difficult trying to build up the courage to say what she needed to but Eva was just making her goal even more impossible achieve. Natsuhi felt herself growing more and more irritated by the second, but maybe...she could use her irritation to block out her feelings of doubt.

So, yeah. Just say it. Come on... Even if it's just an impulsive thought...it could help get past that one wall.

Ignoring Eva's previous statement, Natsuhi began speaking, mumbling at first,

"I...I wanted to tell you...." Don't look at her. Just don't look at her, "um...that is to say..." Don't lose the words.... She stood up straight and spoke with as much confidence as she could muster. Even if it were a lie...she had to fool at least herself, "I...don't want to call it off."

"….Is that all? You certainly had a difficult time saying that, didn't yo-"

"That's not all."

"Eh?"

She was caught off guard by the sudden interruption and remained still for a moment before asking,

"What do you mean?"

"I...There's...more I want to say..."

"...You sure do love to take your time with these things, don't you?" she chuckled to herself as she crossed her arms, "Alright. What is it?" 

It was so quiet. Yet so loud, so loud, Natsuhi could hear the clock. Every second felt like an hour. Every single, god damn second.... Relax...Just breathe and relax....

"..." She shut her mouth as quickly as it had opened. She could still change her mind and turn back. But no. No, no, no. Stop. She had to stop...running away.

"...I...I'll....." Take a breath and start over, "....I'll...be nervous no matter what, so....you can...do...whatever you want....."

"....What?" That one word was all that could escape Eva's mouth as she lowered her arms back down, a look of absolute surprise on her face.

"I...I'm saying you can do what you want. It's okay. We won't get anywhere otherwise and...um..." 

She had suddenly started talking at a fast pace and as her voice died back down into silence, Eva continued to just stare at her. It was a deafening silence and as it carried on, Natsuhi began to worry that she had made a terrible mistake. But before she could do anything to try and fix anything, the other woman finally spoke again,

"...Are you..." her dumbfounded expression slowly transformed into a sly grin, "sure you want to give me that kind of permission?"

"Ah...um......" Was she sure? It was an impulsive decision after all. Was the way Eva responded...a warning? She didn't know, she didn't know, ahh it didn't matter. Just answer already, "...Yes..." Such a quiet response. So quiet, barely audible. But it was heard and when Eva began to take a step forward, Natsuhi quickly took a step back,

"Ah! But! Um...That...That, of course! ...Doesn't mean we can do certain actions...tonight...or tomorrow...or, anytime soon! What I mean is, um....!" Her face felt so hot, "um...."

"...What you mean is...nothing too sexual. ...Right?" She leaned closer, tilting her head, smiling. She was...getting a lot closer. Natsuhi brought her hand up to her head, covering her face as she turned it to the side. When she realized she couldn't find her voice, she just gave a small nod. 

She couldn't bring herself to look at her. She was sure to have such an amused look on her face. It was so-

"But everything else...is fine?"

"Huh?"

Natsuhi turned her face back, lowering her hand a bit. She kept telling herself not to look at her. She really shouldn't have looked at her, yet she did and now she was at a loss for words as Eva stared back at her. The silence drew on a bit more before Eva drew back and simply said,

"Take off your shoes."

"E...What...?"

"Your shoes. Take them off."

"I...I heard that, but...."

"You can put them in the closet. ...The other pair you left here is there too."

She laughed as she brought back that memory and, though Natsuhi was sure she felt herself blush, she was still more overtaken by confusion. It had been such a sudden demand and she had no idea what to think of it, but she decided there was no point in questioning it as it seemed clear she wasn't going to get an answer by simply asking.

She let out a brisk sigh as she started to remove them. Really, what in the world? Yet if she had thought back a little more, she might have caught on sooner.

Despite being told she could put them in the closet, she had no time to react as she felt herself being pulled along by her arm the moment she got her shoes off. She stumbled at first, as it was such an abrupt action, but that did nothing to slow down the other's movement.

"E...Eva-san...What are you....?" Her voice quickly faded as she began to realize...where they were heading...."a...w...wai-"

But it wasn't anything she was expecting. She thought it was going to be another case of her lying down on the bed but...When they got there, Eva turned back towards her and, not releasing her grip on Natsuhi's wrist, sat down herself. Smiling, she stared up expectantly,

"...Well?"

"...W....What....?" She didn't....understand....Was she supposed to...do something? 

"....Honestly..." 

A sound of surprise just barely escaped Natsuhi's lips as she felt a sudden, sharp tug on her arm, pulling her downward. It had happened so fast, it took her a moment to grasp the situation. But the second she did, she felt her face go aflame,

"What-!?" Her free hand shot up to push against a shoulder. Even just a little bit of distance...! Keep it, keep it...! 

"Well, that's a good start at least..." Eva stated, talking more to herself. What? A good start to what?! 

Eva had pulled her down in such a way that she fell to the bed on her knees but ended up...straddling Eva's waist in the process. Such a...sitting position was-

"Ah-! Uh...I....!!" 

"....You're tensing up." Eva giggled as her other arm wrapped around Natsuhi's waist, keeping her from pulling away too far. The grip on her own shoulder tightened.

"B...Because-! Y....You pulled me down like this...and with no warning!"

"Ehh? I thought it was pretty obvious I wanted you to sit in my lap. Though you're not really doing that quite yet, are you...?" Her gaze remained staring upward, directly into the other woman's eyes.

Natsuhi felt her heart skip a beat...or two...or three. And after a few ragged breaths she jerked her head to the side, ripping away the eye contact.

Shame. But that was okay. It was sure to come back at some point.

Eva's hand crawled up Natsuhi's back, the latter finally yanking her wrist free of the other's grasp and bringing her hand up to cover her mouth. She was...shaking so much....Eva's grin dropped but came right back,

"....Natsuhi-neesan...." Her one hand lowered back down a bit as her other reached up to hold the wrist captive again, pulling it away from the woman's mouth. As Natsuhi looked back towards her, Eva continued, "....Come on."

".....W...What are you-"

"Wrap your legs around me." 

A sharp exhale, "....E...Even if you say that...." So hard to breathe, so hard to breathe. She looked off to the side again and, after a moment of studying her, Eva stilled her movements,

"...Do you want me to stop?"

Natsuhi turned back to look at her yet again, another silence dropping between them. She opened her mouth for yet another time that night but when nothing came out, she quickly closed it back up into a thin line, her eyes darting elsewhere. 

"...Do you want me to stop?" Eva repeated the question, her voice even softer than it had been the first time she'd asked. Dammit... _Dammit...._

In the silence, Natsuhi's voice just barely came out as she murmured something so quietly that it almost wasn't even heard at all.

"Hm?" 

Just....Natsuhi swallowed, hung her head, and coughed slightly to clear her throat, raising her voice to a volume that was easier to hear,

".....no....."

"....Are you sure?"

"......"

Natsuhi remained silent as she continued to stare downwards at nothing in particular and, after another brief moment, began to move without saying anything.

She tugged her arm away, out of Eva's grip and rested it on her shoulder, opposite of where her other hand had been all along. And slowly _—_ so slowly _—_ she lowered her body down and circled her legs around Eva's waist. This was...incredibly more intimate.

At first, Eva seemed a bit surprised by the action but quickly reverted back to her usual tone of voice, not making any effort to hide the grin on her face,

"Ohh? Well, isn't this-"

"Don't say anything!" 

"Hmm?"

It had been such a rushed and panicked voice but was still so held back and reserved. Even though _—_ no....  _Especially_ because they were at a much more equal level, face to face, Natsuhi was averting her eyes even more than before.

"'Don't say anything'....? Is there a reason why you don't want me to?"

"Ah...That's....because.....mm...." Her voice died down and she bit her lip. As Eva watched her, she couldn't suppress an audible laugh rising from her throat,

"Hey," her hands moved to gently grab a hold of both of Natsuhi's arms, to which she flinched ever so slightly, "...what are the odds of you wrapping your arms around me too?"

Natsuhi's eyes widened as she looked back at her,

"...I...Th....D...Don't push your luck....!" She opted to just close her eyes that time. Her face felt so hot. Weren't her legs enough...?

"Hoh...?" Eva titled her head, "...You're hurting my shoulders though?"

"I-!....Haa...." She exhaled roughly and her fingers only dug deeper into the shoulders she was firmly holding onto. It really was starting to hurt a bit but Eva didn't mind very much and decided to let it go,

"...Well, this is good enough for now." And she wrapped her own arms around Natsuhi's waist, pulling her closer. Ahh, weren't they close enough already...?

Eva kept one hand down low while the other climbed up Natsuhi's back, causing her to arch it thus pressing further into the other woman. Even pushing against her shoulders...it was still....so close.... And she had no time to think as Eva's hand reached the back of her head and pulled her forward, lining her ear up next to Eva's mouth as she blew into it.

Gasping, Natsuhi tried to pull away out of reflex but the position and hand holding onto her head made it difficult so she unconsciously grasped at the back of Eva's head, pulling a little roughly on her hair.

At first, a surprised, pained sound was all that came out of Eva's mouth, but then...she laughed quietly and, lips still by Natsuhi's ear, whispered in such a low, low voice,

"That feels pretty nice..." Her own fingers curled into hair and pulled gently. Slowly.

"Aah-!" Natsuhi quickly bit her lip to hold her voice back. It was so embarrassing, so embarrassing, so- "nn....mm...haa....!"

Eva's hot breath kept blowing on her ear. She kept tugging on her hair repeatedly. She just... _kept doing it._ Natsuhi's hand had long since fallen from Eva's hair down to the fabric on the back of her shirt, gripping it tightly. Eva could hear her breathing irregularly but trying so desperately to keep it suppressed.

She chuckled to herself. She wanted to keep it going for a bit longer _—_ to tease her a little bit more _—_ but she decided to stop it there. ...She also would have preferred to not have her shirt torn.

Drawing her head back, she looked at the face of the other. Her cheeks were flushed, the red tinge reaching as far as her ears. The hand that had been on the back of Eva's shirt was now covering a panting mouth...and then was brought up to try and hide the entire face.

Was she...about to cry? That was no good....

"...To get like this just from me playing a little bit with your ear and hair," she giggled, "you really are quite sensitive, aren't you?"

"......shut up...."

Eva blinked in surprise at her choice of words but otherwise didn't falter in the least. Natsuhi saying that to her without phrasing it in a more roundabout, polite way was unexpected...but understandable. And, while Eva could have said something about it, she didn't, and instead changed the subject completely,

"...Hey, Natsuhi-neesan....Do you masturbate?"

Natsuhi froze and slowly lowered her hand from her face, staring straight ahead into the other woman's eyes.. It took a moment for her to register exactly what she had just been asked...but she did.

"WHAT!?"

"Do you mastur-"

"AH! I heard that!" Her voice quickly cut in as her hand pressed up against Eva's mouth. Shut up, shut up, shut up!

"You asked me 'what' though." Eva stated plainly as she removed the hand away to which Natsuhi roughly yanked it out of her grip with no hesitation,

"B-because! You! ...Asked something like that...!"

"Hmm? ...Well...do you?" She leaned closer.

"That's-!" She tried to lean away but Eva's arms were preventing her from escaping too far. So hot, so hot....

"Natsuhi-neesan?"

"I! I see no reason to tell you the answer to that...!"

"....Ohh? ...I can't tell if that's a "yes" or a "no"."

Natsuhi's mouth hung open as she tried to find words to say but she was at such a loss! What the hell, what the hell! 

"A...I....Do you?!"

"Yeah."

Natsuhi was stunned back into silence. She had asked that without thinking to try and catch Eva as much of off guard as she had been but then...she just answered it so nonchalantly?!

"A...Anyway!" Anyway what, anyway  _what?!_ She wanted to get off the topic so much! It was so awkward...!

"....There's nothing to be ashamed of if you do."

"I don't!"

Ah.

Dammit.

Dammit, dammit,  _dammit._

As she looked forward and saw Eva saying nothing while grinning she realized...she'd been tricked into giving an actual answer.

She realized she should've just said so right at the start. After all, it wasn't like she did so there was nothing to be embarrassed about. She knew that. It was just...It had been such a sudden question about such an awkward topic she didn't want to talk about at all.

"...Of course you don't. ...Though you could be lying...."

"...Why are you even asking about such a thing?" The question came out in a slightly spiteful tone but was only met with a laugh in response.

"Because..." Eva's hands started moving up and down Natsuhi's back, "I was thinking... You're always so tense. Maybe if you touch yourself every now and then you'll be more comfortable with me doing it?"

"Eh...Ah...I won't...!"

"...No?"

"...I won't...." Her voice died back down to a whisper. As she started to calm down, she suddenly felt...so tired.

After a brief silence, Eva spoke again,

"Well...Alright." 

And that was all she said...while still smiling. What was Natsuhi...supposed to make out of that...? Before she could try and say anything, Eva brought her mouth to her ear again, but Natsuhi pushed her away, shielding the side of her head with a hand,

"N...No more!" 

Eva tilted her head again, lowering her arms down to rest around Natsuhi's waist and pulled her a bit, a gasp escaping her mouth,

"...You don't want me to?"

"N...Not tonight...." 

"...Okay. ...But..." she moved her face close again, and Natsuhi could just barely remember to breathe as she felt lips stop just a breadth away from hers. So close...but the contact wouldn't come, "...I wonder if I can at least have a kiss for the night?"

Just barely....Natsuhi just barely pulled away. She couldn't bring herself to, she was so frozen in place. How long had they stayed like that...? Too long...Too long...

"...If...If you want to...you can...."

She expected that to be it. She braced herself for it. But it...still wouldn't come. And, after another moment, all she heard was,

"No."

She opened her eyes from when she had closed them,

"Huh?"

Eva pulled back and, still smiling, said,

"...I want you to kiss me."

Eh?

What?

That was...

Her face was already so hot but as the meaning behind those words became more clear it felt like it was rising even more in temperature,

"W-what?!"

Eva was quiet before releasing a small sigh and repeated her statement, emphasizing each word,

"I. Want. You. To. Kiss. Me."

"I...! I understood that! You don't have to talk to me like that!"

"Ohh? But you keep asking "what" like you  _don't_ understand?" She raised an eyebrow as she spoke in an amused fashion.

Natsuhi kept tripping over her words as she tried to find an explanation for herself before finally being able to get a clear sentence out,

" _Obviously_ , I keep responding in that way because  _you_ keep asking such...ridiculous questions!"

"Ehh? You're going to pin all the blame on me? That's not very nice."

Natsuhi clenched her teeth as she glared, visibly upset, and just barely stopped herself from saying, "As if you know anything about being nice". Because...Eva was nice sometimes....She was...But...dammit.

She turned her head to the side to glare elsewhere. The wall, the bed, whatever else, just don't look at the damn woman who was holding her.

"....You know," Eva's voice rang out, "you've been moody all day."

"I have not." A curt reply.

"You are right now. ...Speaking of which, you've also looked exhausted lately.... I wonder why that could be?"

Natsuhi whipped her head back to look at her. Eva's expression didn't change,

"Hm? What? ...You look like you want to say something."

"..." She took a deep breath, "You...You know very well why."

"I do?"

Why...did this woman have to make things so much more difficult than they already were? So frustrating, so frustrating, so _—_

"Could it be...? It's because of me?"

"......"

Silence filled the room again, but it was more than enough of an answer and Eva just kept talking, not changing her attitude in the least,

"I'm sorry? ...I didn't realize I've been giving you so many sleepless nights."

"...Who said they were sleepless?"

But, rather than answering that question, Eva ignored it and pulled Natsuhi's head closer, 

"Wha--"

"I can't imagine it's been good for your headaches..." Eva said in a hushed voice before pressing her lips softly against the other woman's forehead. Natsuhi's eyes widened but she quickly shoved her away, pushing against her shoulders, putting even just a little bit of distance between them. Her chest rose and fell a couple of times as she took quick breaths. Stop... _Stop...._

"...Don't act like...you care when you're the one always acting like they aren't that bad...."

"...Hm? ...Whatever gave you that idea?"

Shut...up... It was so clear she was teasing her but... It seemed like she really did care sometimes...and that was only part of what made it all so infuriating. Natsuhi just....couldn't understand her....

"...." Breathe in and breathe out, "...That's enough."

"Eh? What is?"

"For tonight."

And she started trying to get up, but Eva held her in place,

"Wha~t? What about my kiss?"

Dammit, she had forgotten about that,

"I...If you want one so much, just do it already!"

"But I said I want you to do it?"

"W...Why does it matter who does it...?!"

"If it doesn't matter, why are you making such a big deal out of it?"

"Because _—_!"

Because, because, because! Ahh, her voice cracked and it felt so suffocating. What was she supposed to say?  _'I don't want to'_ ? That wouldn't work at all. She'd be asked why. 

"...Because?"

How annoying. Eva just loved to play dumb in order to try and make her spell out every little thing, didn't she? But Natsuhi still wouldn't...answer and instead asked another question,

"...Why do you want me to be the one to do it so much?"

Eva's mouth opened slightly but only released a small breath. ...Was her patience starting to wear thin...? 

"...You sure love asking more and more questions without answering mine first..." she spoke in an exasperated tone but quickly reverted back to how she'd been acting pretty much all night, "Well, that's fine though." And she smiled again, "...I want you to do it because I'm always the one doing everything." And silence dropped between them before she added, in such a soft voice, whispering just barely against the other woman's lips, "I want you to do this one thing...."

Natsuhi pulled back abruptly, pressing her mouth against the back of her hand. That was close. It was  _so close._ She already knew Eva wasn't going to close the distance but it was still  ** _so close._**

Just breathe...Just breathe and relax. She just needed to breathe and relax. 

Just breathe and relax.

_Just breathe and relax._

"...." Eva stared at her, the silence drawing on for a moment. A moment that was way too long, "...It's fine, Natsuhi-neesan. ...If you really don't want to, you don't have to."

Her whole body felt so hot. Her breathing wasn't too loud, was it? The room was so deathly silent, her mind felt so blank. ' _If she didn't want to_ '...? That wasn't.....

Natsuhi coughed lightly as she lowered her hand down away from her mouth and back onto Eva's shoulder. She tried to swallow and took a breath she couldn't hide from being shaky. Her head started to hang low _—_ she wanted to hide her face so much. 

Her voice began leaking out before she cleared her throat and tried again,

"....no....I....I can do it....."

Such a small whisper. 

".....Then...." Eva kissed the top of her head, "...please do."

Eva's shoulders.... _must_ have been hurting. The grip on them had been so hard throughout the entire night and still was even at that very moment. Natsuhi...really should have tried to loosen her hold on them, but her nerves wouldn't let her.

Slowly _—_ so slowly _—_ she began to lift her face back up. It should've been easy. It really shouldn't have been that hard, but...

".....Close your eyes......" Natsuhi said shyly as she looked off to the side. Eva simply laughed and responded with an "Of course" before letting her eyes fall shut.

It wasn't hard. It really wasn't. Just...lean forward.

Natsuhi took a breath and slowly inched her face closer, so hesitantly. As she drew nearer, she stopped. She took another breath and let her own eyes drift shut as she closed the remaining space.

It was so soft. She barely even pressed her lips against hers and she half expected Eva to take over and deepen it but was surprised when she made no move to.

It was just a little rub. She couldn't even think to take it any further than that. No way. This was already so much.

It didn't even last very long. Just long enough to the point where Eva couldn't try and say it was so short it could hardly be considered a kiss. Because that was definitely something she would do.

She slowly pulled back. It was over but....As she saw Eva opening her eyes, Natsuhi quickly buried her face in the other woman's shoulder. She had to hide her face, she couldn't look at her, she couldn't, she couldn't, her face still felt way too hot.

"...So shy...." Eva laughed but Natsuhi said nothing in response, "...You're shaking...."

Natsuhi only hunched into her more. Eva brought a hand up to comb through long locks of hair a couple of times before suddenly lifting her up enough to turn and lay her on the bed.

There no time to register what was happening as Natsuhi felt her head land on a soft pillow. Eva looked down at her, smiled, and said," Good night." before plopping down on top of her.

And Natsuhi's thoughts could finally catch up with her,

"Eh!? Wait! E-Eva-san! What-! What is this...!?" her hands were grasping at the back of Eva's shirt to try and pry her off but with no real success. Eva said nothing.

"Hey...! I...I'm asking you-"

"You know, Natsuhi-neesan," the woman on top spoke, keeping her eyes closed, "it's rather rude to talk to someone when they're trying to sleep."

"Trying to _—_!? If you're going to sleep then let me leave!"

"....."

"Eva-san!"

"I want to sleep with you."

Natsuhi could've sworn she felt her heart skip a beat. What?  _Sleep with her?_ Again?  **For the whole night?**

"Ah, that's-"

"Please?"

"......" Natsuhi finally just let out a sigh and gave up. She was so tired and trying to argue anymore would probably get her nowhere, ".....fine."

And Eva smiled, telling her goodnight again.

How did this happen? As time passed by, Eva's breathing rate became very calm and Natsuhi was so exhausted she started to feel herself drift off. Ahh, was she actually going to be able to get some sleep for once? That was strange. Though she'd probably just wake back up in a couple of hours and be stuck like that. 

But that was fine....If she thought about it, maybe this was Eva trying to be nice and help her get some rest....That was ridiculous though. There was no way she'd able to relax enough in such a state.

But still....

She couldn't think anymore. That was a problem for when she was awake again shortly after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise bitches, I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me. I MAY TAKE FOREVER TO UPDATE BUT WHEN I DO IT'S EVIDENTLY 8,000-9,000 WORDS SO. Anyway, I have so much shit planned for this damn fic but watch it take me 6 years to complete (haha see what i did there? plz don't hate me...). Also, I try to keep a lot of things from canon in mind while writing this but obviously I take liberty with certain details, e.g. Eva's in college but goes to one nearby so she just stays home cause let her live her dream idk. Anyway, I've been wanting to play breath of the wild for like this whole past week but I kept telling myself "no" cause I knew if I did this update would've been put off by like another month so never ask me for anything ever again. JK, ask me fucking anything I don't care lol feedback is nice. I'm never writing again (until I do).


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